Adventure #21: Confusion in the Arcade

Brad: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Brad: ::::::::::::::::FANTASY STORY:::::::::::::
Brad: ::::::::INSERT COIN::::::::::::::::::
Shay: insert coin
Brad: :::::::::::Insufficient funds:::::::::::::::
Shay yells NOOO!
Shay inserts another coin
Brad: :::::::::::: Credit one play :::::::::::::::
Shay says "sweet."
Brad: Choose Character - RUFFIAN, MURDERSHOES, DUCKBILLED PLESIOSAURUS
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: ENTER NAME ___________________
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: Welcome, RUFFIAN RUFFIAN, Select character class. MAGE, GYPSY, COMMUNISM
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: RUFFIAN Character class requires addional DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT: INSERT COIN
Shay inserts a coin
Brad: ACHIVEMENT UNLOCKED: McGullibleCoingiver
Brad: RUFFIAN RUFFIAN, the famed RUFFIAN will now descend into the depths of MAULCLORTH ISLAND DUNGEON SPACE STATION.
Shay: oh awesome!
Brad: Your quest begins in .... INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE.....
Shay: aw man!
Shay goes to beg his parents for more money
Brad: 10
Brad: 9
Brad: 8
Brad: 7
Brad: 6
Brad: 5
Shay whines loudly
Brad: 4
Brad: 3
Shay inserts coin
Brad: 2
Brad: ...... .. ............... loading
Shay: whew!
Brad: You have been captured by PIRATE CRIPPLERS. And placed in the BRIG. There is a shaven elk, a three legged stool, a lot of hay on the ground, and the sound of cowbell in the DISTANCE
Shay: say "Arrrrg yer varments ! feer me i am theRUFFIAN
Brad: Don't understand FEER.
Shay: pet elk
Brad: The elk returns the favor, slowly
Brad: you have befriended elk. +14 points
Shay: look brig
Brad: You are deep with in a BRIG. The weathered wooden walls, and barrier between you and ELK seem roughly hewn. A covering of STRAW AND HAY covers the dirt floors. You see one end of BRIG is used to store FEED AND SUPPLIES
Shay: give hay to elk
Shay says "this is so sweet"
Brad: The ELK returns the favor, slowly
Shay: pul out swurd
Brad: You pull out your swurd. It is an elegant swurd. Covered in honey, and very spongy. You hear a COWBELL in the DISTANCE
Shay: brek out of jail with swurd
Brad: Don't understand JAIL
Brad: Or Brek
Brad: Or Swurd for that matter
Brad: -47 points
Shay: BREAK out of BRIG with swurd
Brad: -12 points
Shay says "What? This thing is grading me!!!"
Shay: BREAK out of BRIG with SWORD
Shay says "Stupid thing."
Brad: You hold your SWORD high aloft, as you walk out of the BRIG through the wooden door next to the HAY AND FEED. A tractor trundles by as you realize the BRIG was nothing more than OLD MAN CRABTREE'S BARN. You have been TRIPPING
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
Brad: LSDEEZ NUTS
Shay says "Whoa, this thing just blew my mind."
Shay: look
Brad: You are standing in a FARM. BARN is to the WEST. FARMHOUSE is to the EAST. To the NORTH is CORNFIELD OF DELIGHT. To the South is COWBELL's R US.
Shay: e
Shay says "I'm going to kill someone with this sword yet."
Brad: You venture forth towards the FARMHOUSE. A sign by the MAILBOX reads "Welcome to OLD MAN CRABTREE'S FARMIN' HOUSE OF FARMIN." At the ground lay a DROID LEG
Shay: look leg
Brad: It is a human leg, connected to your body, shaven on one side, and tatoo'd with various representations of speed limit signs of different regions of the world.
Shay yells "Whoa what? ...Oh wait that's MY leg? Dang this game is CRAZY!"
Shay: look at droid leg
Brad: As you examine the DROID LEG, you realize it's your long lost hallucinated droid sidekick AYNine FONZie's Leg. With a strange SWURD SHAPED HOLE.
Brad: SECRET FOUND!
Brad: ::::DROIDKILLER IS YOU::::::
Brad: -210 honor points
Shay says "What? I didn't even get the fun of killing it!"
Shay: enter farmhouse
Brad: The farmhouse is LOCKED. You hear sirens in the DISTANCE over the cowbell
Shay: hit lock with sword!
Brad: +2 XP
Shay says "Sweet!"
Brad: The LOCK DIES A GUTTERING DEATH. {MURDERCOUNT +1 Total murdercount 289{
Shay says "Whoa whoever played this last murdered a LOT"
Shay says "gotta beat the high score"
Shay: enter farmhouse
Brad: The COWBELL is louder in the farmhouse, as if it's coming through the open windows in the BACK OF THE FARMHOUSE. Sirens seem to be coming closer
Shay: look for victims
Brad: There is a HEADLESS VICTIM missing one LEG in the corner, a smashed BANJO on the table, and you stop your advance as parts of a DROID FACE crunch under your HUMAN FOOT.
Shay: look out windows
Brad: You see police cars entering the driveway near the CORNFIELD. as you look, you notice your REFLECTION.
Brad: You are shocked to see your own HUMAN HEAD attached to a glistening ROBOT BODY.
Brad: SELF REALIZATION UNLOCKED! UR OWN MURDERER!
Shay says "Huh? Wait, what?"
Shay says "Did I MURDER MYSELF? HOLY CRAP!"
Brad: SIRENS getting louder
Shay panics
Shay inserts coin
Brad: :::::::COIN REFUSED::::::::: IDENTITY CONFIRMED:::::::::AUTHORITIES ON WAY:::::
Shay says "WHAT?!!!!?"
Shay: no i am not a murderer i am 13 yrs old
Shay: do not call the polece
Shay: !!
Brad: From outside the FARMHOUSE you hear: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP, AYNine FONZie. You are wanted for the MURDER OF SHAY PIERCE
Shay says "What is going on?!? How does this game know my name??"
Shay: throw sword at coppers
Brad: ROBOT HUNTERS and POLICE Surround the house. Your SWORD Is caught by The CHIEF INVESTIGATOR as evidence of your HEINOUS CRIMES.
Shay: shoot coppers with laser eyes
Brad: -2,800 points - EVIDENCE LOST
Brad: Your eyes are human, your head has been transplanted onto the murderer robot. Also your leg. You will be forever punished for crimes you did not commit, but now appear to have committed to the POLICE.
Brad: The AUTHORITIES break down the door and capture you
Shay says "I STILL DON'T GET WHAT IS GOING ON I'M ONLY 13 WHAT IS HAPPENING"
Shay begins tearing up a bit
Brad: As you are being led away to the ROBOT COURT, you hear the semicrushed robot face of AYNine FONZie laughing evilly at you as you pay for his crimes
Shay says "Wait!"
Brad: Game Over
Shay begins crying openly
Brad: Secrets unlocked 14
Shay inserts coin
Brad: Emotional damage +17
Brad: ::::::INSUFFICIENT CREDIT:::::::::