Brad: :::::: KILLTRON the UNICORN::::::
:::::::: a Bradleycorp game© :::::::::
:::::::: INSERT COIN :::::::::::
Shay: /me inserts a penny
Brad: INSUFFICIENT CREDIT
Shay: /me inserts a sovereign
Brad: INSUFFICIENT CREDIT
Shay: The sovereign was a king.
Brad: YOUR CREDIT SCORE IS TOO LOW TO PLAY THIS GAME
Brad: Check Equifax for your free credit report
Brad: CHOOSE CREDIT OR DEBIT
Shay: /me makes out a check for $800 and inserts it.
Brad: :::VERIFYING FUNDS::::
Brad: COngratulations! You have donated $2,301 to the Friends of BP Rotary club.
Shay: /me hits ESC furiously
Brad: Your name will appear on the plaque set adrift at sea in honor of BP and its illustrious drilling campaign
Brad: PLEASE CHOOSE SEAGULL ANGER
Shay: unicorn
Brad: SYNTAZ EROR.
Brad: You are adrift at sea. There is oil to the W. To the east is OIL
Brad: to the north is THE AMERICA
Brad: to the south is ROBOCUBA
Shay: look oil
Brad: You cast your gaze towards the glistening black slick approaching your vessel. It is from the depths unknown, and seems to have a mind of its own
Shay: i
Brad: You have in your unicorn pockets: Unicorn balm, a satchel full of thousands of dollars, a shovel
Shay: look boat
Brad: Your small seagoing craft is small, made of rubber, it resembles a donut. It's probably an innertube. Complete with patch on side.
Shay: paddle north
Brad: You use your shovel to paddle north, leaving the incoming oil slick to wave at you, sadly, as though you had never met. You were like two hummingbirds, who also never met. You come to an invisible wall, as if the game designers didn't put pathfinding polys here. You see a badly mapped texture, and wonder what environment artist built out this level.
Shay: look texture
Brad: It is a poorly mapped TGA of water. This section doesn't tile well. Next to it you see a periscope looking at you.
Shay: look periscope
Brad: it looks at you
Shay: wink at periscope
Shay: suggestively
Brad: the periscope winks back, and suddenly your craft is lifted high out of the water by ROBOMARINE, an inhabitant of ROBOCUBA. You and ROBOMARINE( a giant robot submarine) have now agreed to a first date in his homeland of ROBOCUBA. and are swiftly making your way SOUTH.
Brad: You, being a unicorn, have never had such an honor.
Shay: look robomarine
Brad: ROBOMARINE is a giant nuclear submarine with childlike drawings of unicorns on it. He is making swift his crossing of the ocean, pulling OIL along with him in his vast wake. The friction of the submarine on the water creates many sparks, and soon you both are engulfed in FLAMES.
Shay: enter robomarine, yell "dive"
Brad: You clumsily enter ROBOMARINE. The dank interior hasn't been inhabited since ROBOMARINE gained consciousness and eradicated its crew. the remains still manning their posts. ROBOMARINE dives, with the hatch open.
Brad: Your means of escape quickly becoming a watery tomb
Shay: close hatch
Brad: You manage to close the hatch, but only after ROBOMARINE is half full of water and BURNING OIL.
Shay: apply unicorn salve to burning oil
Brad: DON'T UNDERSTAND SALVE
Shay: hit burning oil with shovel
Brad: You manage to spread burning oil all over your shovel, and splatter it on the walls, and your face, and the smell of fried unicorn begins to make you hungry. FOR YOURSELF
Brad: THUD
Brad: You and robomarine hit the beach of ROBOCUBA,
Shay: open hatch
Brad: outside, the beach is littered with fire extinguishers and lollipops. the hatch has been MELTED CLOSED
Brad: you are quickly running out of air
Shay: puncture hull with horn
Brad: You breach the hull with your horn. It leaves an air sized hole. The BURNING OIL STILL CLINGING TO YOUR BODY
Brad: The fresh air now makes haste to feed the flames of OIL
Shay: widen hole, escape onto beach
Brad: Don't understand ONTO
Shay: widen hole
Brad: You work with your horn to widen the hole, the more air rushing in, the more BURNING happens. However, you do manage to eventually, boringly, widen t he hole enough to escape ROBOMARINE
Brad: You spill out onto the BEACH
Shay: stop, drop, roll
Brad: You roll around on top of the piles of FIRE EXTINGUISHERS littering the beach. The fire consumes most of your flesh
Shay: use fire extinguisher on self
Brad: You try the extinguisher, they're all EMPTY WHAT A CRUEL JOKE I HAVE PL... um. They do not work.
Shay: i
Brad: You have, A satchel of burned dollars, a shovel, MASSIVE 5thDEGREE BURNS, BURNING OIL, a small magical pendant.
Shay: look pendant
Brad: As you look at your pendant, transfixed by it's beauty, an army of chiggers, summoned to the beach by your frantic flailing on the fire extinguishers, suddenly attack the freshly cooked unicorn meat encasing your self
Shay: use pendant
Brad: You use the PENDANT OF ETERNAL BOWEL OBSTRUCTION!
Shay: all right, that's it
Shay: Brad... I'm not playing your games anymore.
Brad: Why???
Brad: I kept trying to kill you off
Shay: EXACTLY!
Shay: I don't get to do anything! Your games are just elaborate torture chambers where I flail around for your twisted amusement!
Brad: AHhhhhh.
Brad: ok
Brad: See, I was under the impression that's what we were doing
Shay: So, I'm sorry... I'm breaking up the band
Brad: What? No!!!
Shay: I'm sorry... Brad & Shay's Textellent Adventures are on hold... indefinitely
Brad: Wait no no no
Shay: Sorry man, just... sorry
Brad: Shay
Brad: Shay come back
Brad: Shay
Brad: Shay
Brad: Shay?
TO BE CONTINUED
Friday, June 18, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Announcing the Snuggler
Shay: hi Brad, how are you doing?
Brad: Oh, doin fine.
Brad: Everytime I see the class "smuggler" anywhere in this game I fight the urge to rename it to "snuggler"
Shay: haha
Shay: oh so you just announced that there's a Smuggler class
Shay: sweet, I'm just gonna email kotaku about that real fast
Brad: That was already announced
Shay: no, you just announced it
Shay: [If I get you to go google for "Smuggler announced", I earn 5 points]
Shay: [If I get you to email the PR department saying "oh crap I think I may have screwed up", I get 25 points]
Brad: 5 points towards what exactly?
Shay: towards my own enjoyment of my life.
Shay: do you remember honkfishing?
Brad: Yes, I do
Shay: I would set off my car alarm remotely when someone was walking past it in the parking lot
Shay: If I got someone to actually jump and startle, I got 20 points
Shay: if someone completely ignored it, I got -5 points
Shay: if someone looked straight towards the office window and gave me the finger, I got -20 points... Billy S. caused me to lose those 20 points once
Shay: and if the victim was a hot realtor chick, I got a x2 modifier!
Brad: Again, towards what end?
Brad: I think your habit of arbitrarily awarding yourself "points" is a indicator of a deep-seated need to "program" your own life, somehow realizing a self determined destiny.
Shay: I like making games, and playing games
Shay: everyone makes games though
Brad: Not everyone
Shay: when they're children they do. when they grow up they die inside.
Brad: I don't think so
Shay: "Okay you're the robber and I'm the cop, but this is the jail here, but that's RobberLand over in Mrs. McCreedy's yard and that's the safe zone for you..."
Brad: Who is Mrs. McCreedy?
Shay: she had good cookies.
Brad: she sounds like a predator
Shay: well, she was a raptor actually.
Shay: but still... good cookies
Brad: Does she lure the children there with candies and gifts?
Shay: raptor gifts
Shay: mostly eggs
Brad: Raptors in the Kitchen - best band name ever
Brad: from Jurassic park
Shay: good one
Brad: Also, Tractordactyl
Shay: if you and I ever start a game company together, it will be Tractordactyl Games.
Brad: I can see the logo now
Shay: I see it too.
Shay: the logo will be a radish.
Brad: You are looking the wrong way
Brad: Also get out of my mind.
Shay: sorry, I'm radishhungry.
Brad: Is that like rabies, or the zombie?
[At this point Shay's mouth opened slightly and uttered a syllable that sounded like "wha". This was followed by his head exploding, leaving the conversation unfinished.]
Brad: Oh, doin fine.
Brad: Everytime I see the class "smuggler" anywhere in this game I fight the urge to rename it to "snuggler"
Shay: haha
Shay: oh so you just announced that there's a Smuggler class
Shay: sweet, I'm just gonna email kotaku about that real fast
Brad: That was already announced
Shay: no, you just announced it
Shay: [If I get you to go google for "Smuggler announced", I earn 5 points]
Shay: [If I get you to email the PR department saying "oh crap I think I may have screwed up", I get 25 points]
Brad: 5 points towards what exactly?
Shay: towards my own enjoyment of my life.
Shay: do you remember honkfishing?
Brad: Yes, I do
Shay: I would set off my car alarm remotely when someone was walking past it in the parking lot
Shay: If I got someone to actually jump and startle, I got 20 points
Shay: if someone completely ignored it, I got -5 points
Shay: if someone looked straight towards the office window and gave me the finger, I got -20 points... Billy S. caused me to lose those 20 points once
Shay: and if the victim was a hot realtor chick, I got a x2 modifier!
Brad: Again, towards what end?
Brad: I think your habit of arbitrarily awarding yourself "points" is a indicator of a deep-seated need to "program" your own life, somehow realizing a self determined destiny.
Shay: I like making games, and playing games
Shay: everyone makes games though
Brad: Not everyone
Shay: when they're children they do. when they grow up they die inside.
Brad: I don't think so
Shay: "Okay you're the robber and I'm the cop, but this is the jail here, but that's RobberLand over in Mrs. McCreedy's yard and that's the safe zone for you..."
Brad: Who is Mrs. McCreedy?
Shay: she had good cookies.
Brad: she sounds like a predator
Shay: well, she was a raptor actually.
Shay: but still... good cookies
Brad: Does she lure the children there with candies and gifts?
Shay: raptor gifts
Shay: mostly eggs
Brad: Raptors in the Kitchen - best band name ever
Brad: from Jurassic park
Shay: good one
Brad: Also, Tractordactyl
Shay: if you and I ever start a game company together, it will be Tractordactyl Games.
Brad: I can see the logo now
Shay: I see it too.
Shay: the logo will be a radish.
Brad: You are looking the wrong way
Brad: Also get out of my mind.
Shay: sorry, I'm radishhungry.
Brad: Is that like rabies, or the zombie?
[At this point Shay's mouth opened slightly and uttered a syllable that sounded like "wha". This was followed by his head exploding, leaving the conversation unfinished.]
Friday, April 2, 2010
Adventure #22: Contact Your Administrator
Brad: :::::::::::::SELECT CHARACTER NAME::::::::::::::
Shay: Jimmijon
Brad: SELECT FONT: A)Arial B)Comic Sans C) FIXEDSYS
Shay: D) wingdings
Brad: SECRET LEVEL UNLICKED
Brad: You have entered the caverns of the Wingding tribe
Brad: To the NORTH is the King of the Wingdings, Bing. To the SOUTH is HELVETICATROPOLIS, a nation of evil cyborganisms. To the EAST is a WALGREENS. To the WEST is ABANDONED SUBMARINE
Shay: n
Brad: As you approach his highnessness King Bing of the WINGDINGS, you notice his chiseled edges, glistening in the sun. The myriad array of pixels that make up his shape are succulent to your eyeholes. He regards you with wonder. "Wharf Manner of roundish creature are thee, o, pasty one?"
Shay: say "I am what I am, which is to say, a yam named Jimmijon."
Brad: DON'T UNDERSTAND " " "
Brad: The king grows weary of your silence.
Shay: say hello
Brad: As you greet the King, suddenly a fervor erupts to the SOUTH. "O Noes!" Screams the King. "The helveticans are attacking!" Do you A) Help resist the onslaught of sans serrif scumbags, or 2) Turn against your new king and help overthrow the peace loving WINGDINGS?
Shay: A!
Brad: You grab the king's trusty SOLIDTILTEDARROWSWORD named Claire, and vault into battle to the SOUTH. You are met by EDGAR THE MOST SQUARE, of the Helvetician army.
Shay: challenge edgar
Brad: "Your serrif will be truncated, pasty one" he says, as he swings aloft his mighty UMLAUT, an axe of such horror and curly pointy bits that most air particles try to avoid it.
Brad: Do you A) Duck, B)Allow it to penetrate your body, sacrificing yourself for the good of the WINGDINGS, C)Dance a mighty jig, D)Save progress?
Shay: D
Brad: As you are reaching for the save key, EDGAR THE MOST SQUARE delivers a seriffshattering blow to your extruded bits. You have been rendered SQUARISH.
Brad: at your feet lay BITS
Shay: say I am not squarsh, i am yam
Brad: Syntax Error. Don't understand Shay:
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! ROOTKIT VIRUS!
Brad: :::::::::::::DELETING HARDDRIVE
Brad: ::::::::::::::DELETING MONITOR
Brad: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::DELETING PLAYER 1
Shay: ctrl alt delete
Brad: As the rootkit virus crawls up your "computerin' hands" to erase you from existence, you decide that pouring those nanobots into your computer's disk drive was a bad idea.
Brad: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::DELETING LIFE
Brad: You have died.
Brad: Score 147
Shay: reload game
Brad: STACK DUMP
Brad: BLUESCREEN
Brad: PLEASE CONTACT YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR
Shay: hey Brad
Brad: yeah
Shay: your game gave me a bluescreen
Brad: Hm, really?
Shay: what should I do?
Shay: also I think it killed me
Brad: Oh yeah, it prolly did that.
Brad: Hm
Brad: Oh, did you try to reload it after you were dead, and after it deleted itself?
Shay: uh, well I was dead at the time so my memory isn't really very clear, but that sounds right.
Shay: I also may have hit ctrl alt delete at some point, but it may be after I didn't have hands, so...
Brad: Yeah, you can't do that. At that point it doesn't exist, and you're a ghost. And being a ghost, you can't access games that don't exist
Shay: oh okay. so am I still a ghost then?
Brad: Pretty much, yes
Shay: that would explain why I can't see myself in a mirror, and why I'm so cold.
Brad: see that pile of nanobots eatin what is left of you?
Shay: right right, okay.
Brad: yeah.
Shay: it's all coming together now
Brad: well, no, it's decomposing actually.
Shay: but it said to contact my system administrator and he would fix it
Brad: That would be me, buuut...
[Long pause]
Shay: you're asking for a hauntening here
Shay: don't think I won't do it.
Brad: Ok, lets do this. I'll try reforming your body from nanobots, using,,, a picture of.... Joe Piscopo
Shay: all right, there's one in the wallet of my corpse so this should be pretty quick
Brad: there, now you may reanimate yourself.
Shay: oh, you had the photo, never mind.
Brad: sigh
Shay: all right so I'll just jump into my body now.
Shay: I AM REBORN IN FLESH
Brad: NOOOOOOOO
Shay: IN THIS HOUR I WALK THE EARTH YET AGAIN
Shay: IT'S AWESOME. THANKS BRAD!
Brad: enjoy feelings
Shay: NOW CAN YOU HELP ME TURN OFF CAPS LOCK?
Brad: no, that's on by design
Shay: ALSO I NOTICED THAT WHENEVER I TALK, I SCREAM
Brad: That's a new feature
Brad: to help with the almost deaf
Shay: AND ALSO THERE ARE OTHER SCREAMING VOICES COMING OUT OF MY THROAT THAT ARE NOT MY OWN
Brad: Those are the nanobots. They finally have a way to voice their dissatisfaction about the winter olympics results. They're pretty fanatical about that.
Shay: OH OKAY. AND WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT MY HANDS ARE CRIMSON FOUNTAINS OF SUPERNATURAL ENERGY?
Brad: That's to be expected, terrify two village children and call me in the morning.
Shay: ALREADY ON TOP IF IT. THANKS MAN
Brad: Your m......
Shay emits a beam of pure energy from his half-ghostly arms that fills your nasal passages with a burning sensation such as you've never known
Shay: NO MORE "YOUR MOM" JOKES, BRAD. OR YOU GET A HAUNTENING.
Brad: Owie
Shay: all right let's end it there
Shay: ...possibly before.
Brad: possibly before we started
Shay: Jimmijon
Brad: SELECT FONT: A)Arial B)Comic Sans C) FIXEDSYS
Shay: D) wingdings
Brad: SECRET LEVEL UNLICKED
Brad: You have entered the caverns of the Wingding tribe
Brad: To the NORTH is the King of the Wingdings, Bing. To the SOUTH is HELVETICATROPOLIS, a nation of evil cyborganisms. To the EAST is a WALGREENS. To the WEST is ABANDONED SUBMARINE
Shay: n
Brad: As you approach his highnessness King Bing of the WINGDINGS, you notice his chiseled edges, glistening in the sun. The myriad array of pixels that make up his shape are succulent to your eyeholes. He regards you with wonder. "Wharf Manner of roundish creature are thee, o, pasty one?"
Shay: say "I am what I am, which is to say, a yam named Jimmijon."
Brad: DON'T UNDERSTAND " " "
Brad: The king grows weary of your silence.
Shay: say hello
Brad: As you greet the King, suddenly a fervor erupts to the SOUTH. "O Noes!" Screams the King. "The helveticans are attacking!" Do you A) Help resist the onslaught of sans serrif scumbags, or 2) Turn against your new king and help overthrow the peace loving WINGDINGS?
Shay: A!
Brad: You grab the king's trusty SOLIDTILTEDARROWSWORD named Claire, and vault into battle to the SOUTH. You are met by EDGAR THE MOST SQUARE, of the Helvetician army.
Shay: challenge edgar
Brad: "Your serrif will be truncated, pasty one" he says, as he swings aloft his mighty UMLAUT, an axe of such horror and curly pointy bits that most air particles try to avoid it.
Brad: Do you A) Duck, B)Allow it to penetrate your body, sacrificing yourself for the good of the WINGDINGS, C)Dance a mighty jig, D)Save progress?
Shay: D
Brad: As you are reaching for the save key, EDGAR THE MOST SQUARE delivers a seriffshattering blow to your extruded bits. You have been rendered SQUARISH.
Brad: at your feet lay BITS
Shay: say I am not squarsh, i am yam
Brad: Syntax Error. Don't understand Shay:
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! ROOTKIT VIRUS!
Brad: :::::::::::::DELETING HARDDRIVE
Brad: ::::::::::::::DELETING MONITOR
Brad: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::DELETING PLAYER 1
Shay: ctrl alt delete
Brad: As the rootkit virus crawls up your "computerin' hands" to erase you from existence, you decide that pouring those nanobots into your computer's disk drive was a bad idea.
Brad: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::DELETING LIFE
Brad: You have died.
Brad: Score 147
Shay: reload game
Brad: STACK DUMP
Brad: BLUESCREEN
Brad: PLEASE CONTACT YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR
Shay: hey Brad
Brad: yeah
Shay: your game gave me a bluescreen
Brad: Hm, really?
Shay: what should I do?
Shay: also I think it killed me
Brad: Oh yeah, it prolly did that.
Brad: Hm
Brad: Oh, did you try to reload it after you were dead, and after it deleted itself?
Shay: uh, well I was dead at the time so my memory isn't really very clear, but that sounds right.
Shay: I also may have hit ctrl alt delete at some point, but it may be after I didn't have hands, so...
Brad: Yeah, you can't do that. At that point it doesn't exist, and you're a ghost. And being a ghost, you can't access games that don't exist
Shay: oh okay. so am I still a ghost then?
Brad: Pretty much, yes
Shay: that would explain why I can't see myself in a mirror, and why I'm so cold.
Brad: see that pile of nanobots eatin what is left of you?
Shay: right right, okay.
Brad: yeah.
Shay: it's all coming together now
Brad: well, no, it's decomposing actually.
Shay: but it said to contact my system administrator and he would fix it
Brad: That would be me, buuut...
[Long pause]
Shay: you're asking for a hauntening here
Shay: don't think I won't do it.
Brad: Ok, lets do this. I'll try reforming your body from nanobots, using,,, a picture of.... Joe Piscopo
Shay: all right, there's one in the wallet of my corpse so this should be pretty quick
Brad: there, now you may reanimate yourself.
Shay: oh, you had the photo, never mind.
Brad: sigh
Shay: all right so I'll just jump into my body now.
Shay: I AM REBORN IN FLESH
Brad: NOOOOOOOO
Shay: IN THIS HOUR I WALK THE EARTH YET AGAIN
Shay: IT'S AWESOME. THANKS BRAD!
Brad: enjoy feelings
Shay: NOW CAN YOU HELP ME TURN OFF CAPS LOCK?
Brad: no, that's on by design
Shay: ALSO I NOTICED THAT WHENEVER I TALK, I SCREAM
Brad: That's a new feature
Brad: to help with the almost deaf
Shay: AND ALSO THERE ARE OTHER SCREAMING VOICES COMING OUT OF MY THROAT THAT ARE NOT MY OWN
Brad: Those are the nanobots. They finally have a way to voice their dissatisfaction about the winter olympics results. They're pretty fanatical about that.
Shay: OH OKAY. AND WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT MY HANDS ARE CRIMSON FOUNTAINS OF SUPERNATURAL ENERGY?
Brad: That's to be expected, terrify two village children and call me in the morning.
Shay: ALREADY ON TOP IF IT. THANKS MAN
Brad: Your m......
Shay emits a beam of pure energy from his half-ghostly arms that fills your nasal passages with a burning sensation such as you've never known
Shay: NO MORE "YOUR MOM" JOKES, BRAD. OR YOU GET A HAUNTENING.
Brad: Owie
Shay: all right let's end it there
Shay: ...possibly before.
Brad: possibly before we started
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Band Names.
Brad: You know what reminds me of our conversations? "Between two ferns"
Shay: haha, yeah I've watched most of those
Brad: those are good
Brad: I am not sure which one is you.
Shay: I'm Andy Dick
Shay: typing loudly on an iPhone
Brad: that was carrot top
Brad: So yes. You're carrot top
Shay: yay
Brad: How does it feel to be carrot top?
Shay: it feels orange
Brad: is your middle name honeybaked?
Shay: Carrot Honeybaked Top?
Brad: sigh
Shay: I want to start a band
Brad: Rubber, or musical?
Shay: ...called Cookie Cookie Puddin' and Pie
Shay: musical.
Brad: Cause a rubber band called that is not great
Brad: I think a good band name would be racecar
Shay: all lower caps?
Brad: no, that's a bad band name.
Shay: Flaming Midget Research
Brad: Half Of.
Shay: Name.
Brad: now you're thinking
Brad: criscofist
Shay: Salivating Draculas.
Brad: weaselpowder
Shay: Kryptonite Crucifix
Brad: canadian shoe
Brad: Polish Army
Shay: Massive Bear Damage
Brad: Stringled
Brad: Taste three
Shay: DeathDeth
Brad: taco hat
Brad: red mandrake
Shay: Hi Falutin and the Burrito Terrorists
Brad: Live in Concert
Shay: ahahahahahaha
Brad: puppypieces
Shay: Kitten Soup
Brad: Standwich
Shay: Listen To Us
Brad: Generic Band
Shay: Unknown Artist
Brad: It Comes from our Mouths
Shay: Singing Windmills [A They Might Be Giants cover band]
Brad: Passtronomical
Shay: I Be An Retarded
Brad: Dresscue
Brad: you win
Brad: I am done
Brad: But I like Standwich
Shay: I like them all.
Shay: Live In Concert might be my favorite though
Brad: Yeah, that's not a bad one
Brad: it would be hard to announce them
Shay: well their self-titled debut album would also be their live album
Brad: and when they're on tour,,, mass confusion
Shay: or, maybe their live album would later have the same name as their self-titled debut album?
Brad: by the time the music industry figures it out, they've already had their VH1 Where are they now special
Shay: hahaha
Shay: haha, yeah I've watched most of those
Brad: those are good
Brad: I am not sure which one is you.
Shay: I'm Andy Dick
Shay: typing loudly on an iPhone
Brad: that was carrot top
Brad: So yes. You're carrot top
Shay: yay
Brad: How does it feel to be carrot top?
Shay: it feels orange
Brad: is your middle name honeybaked?
Shay: Carrot Honeybaked Top?
Brad: sigh
Shay: I want to start a band
Brad: Rubber, or musical?
Shay: ...called Cookie Cookie Puddin' and Pie
Shay: musical.
Brad: Cause a rubber band called that is not great
Brad: I think a good band name would be racecar
Shay: all lower caps?
Brad: no, that's a bad band name.
Shay: Flaming Midget Research
Brad: Half Of.
Shay: Name.
Brad: now you're thinking
Brad: criscofist
Shay: Salivating Draculas.
Brad: weaselpowder
Shay: Kryptonite Crucifix
Brad: canadian shoe
Brad: Polish Army
Shay: Massive Bear Damage
Brad: Stringled
Brad: Taste three
Shay: DeathDeth
Brad: taco hat
Brad: red mandrake
Shay: Hi Falutin and the Burrito Terrorists
Brad: Live in Concert
Shay: ahahahahahaha
Brad: puppypieces
Shay: Kitten Soup
Brad: Standwich
Shay: Listen To Us
Brad: Generic Band
Shay: Unknown Artist
Brad: It Comes from our Mouths
Shay: Singing Windmills [A They Might Be Giants cover band]
Brad: Passtronomical
Shay: I Be An Retarded
Brad: Dresscue
Brad: you win
Brad: I am done
Brad: But I like Standwich
Shay: I like them all.
Shay: Live In Concert might be my favorite though
Brad: Yeah, that's not a bad one
Brad: it would be hard to announce them
Shay: well their self-titled debut album would also be their live album
Brad: and when they're on tour,,, mass confusion
Shay: or, maybe their live album would later have the same name as their self-titled debut album?
Brad: by the time the music industry figures it out, they've already had their VH1 Where are they now special
Shay: hahaha
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A different number.
Brad: #62
[long pause]
Brad: you there, with pants
Shay: who are you talking to?
Brad: I assume you have pants
Brad: Perhaps not
Shay: you know what happens when you assume
Shay: ...I take off my pants.
Brad: I ... no.
Brad: Catacombs is at #61
IQpierce: was that the number you sent me earlier?
Brad: No, that was a different number
Shay: that was the number of cheese monkeys?
Brad: that was #62
Brad: #61 is one less
Brad: I wish I had a cheesemonkey
Brad: I want a snack
Shay: me too. so that's awesome, I bet it's rising fast now that it's featured by Apple
Shay: I've heard that's a huge deal
Brad: bigtime
Brad: like, it wasn't in the top 100 yesterday
Shay: wow
Brad: It is the gentle gaze of favor from apple
Shay: I like the flavor of apples.
Brad: In soviet russia, you are ground up into paste and fed to pirates
Shay: ahahahahaha
Shay: all right go post this entire conversation on the blog.
Shay: just the pants onwards
Brad: no, the pants downwards
Shay does a rimshot on his sweet drum set
Shay: man that sounds kinda wrong.
Brad: it must be out of tune
Shay: haha
[long pause]
Brad: you there, with pants
Shay: who are you talking to?
Brad: I assume you have pants
Brad: Perhaps not
Shay: you know what happens when you assume
Shay: ...I take off my pants.
Brad: I ... no.
Brad: Catacombs is at #61
IQpierce: was that the number you sent me earlier?
Brad: No, that was a different number
Shay: that was the number of cheese monkeys?
Brad: that was #62
Brad: #61 is one less
Brad: I wish I had a cheesemonkey
Brad: I want a snack
Shay: me too. so that's awesome, I bet it's rising fast now that it's featured by Apple
Shay: I've heard that's a huge deal
Brad: bigtime
Brad: like, it wasn't in the top 100 yesterday
Shay: wow
Brad: It is the gentle gaze of favor from apple
Shay: I like the flavor of apples.
Brad: In soviet russia, you are ground up into paste and fed to pirates
Shay: ahahahahaha
Shay: all right go post this entire conversation on the blog.
Shay: just the pants onwards
Brad: no, the pants downwards
Shay does a rimshot on his sweet drum set
Shay: man that sounds kinda wrong.
Brad: it must be out of tune
Shay: haha
Friday, February 26, 2010
Adventure #21: Confusion in the Arcade
Brad: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Brad: ::::::::::::::::FANTASY STORY:::::::::::::
Brad: ::::::::INSERT COIN::::::::::::::::::
Shay: insert coin
Brad: :::::::::::Insufficient funds:::::::::::::::
Shay yells NOOO!
Shay inserts another coin
Brad: :::::::::::: Credit one play :::::::::::::::
Shay says "sweet."
Brad: Choose Character - RUFFIAN, MURDERSHOES, DUCKBILLED PLESIOSAURUS
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: ENTER NAME ___________________
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: Welcome, RUFFIAN RUFFIAN, Select character class. MAGE, GYPSY, COMMUNISM
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: RUFFIAN Character class requires addional DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT: INSERT COIN
Shay inserts a coin
Brad: ACHIVEMENT UNLOCKED: McGullibleCoingiver
Brad: RUFFIAN RUFFIAN, the famed RUFFIAN will now descend into the depths of MAULCLORTH ISLAND DUNGEON SPACE STATION.
Shay: oh awesome!
Brad: Your quest begins in .... INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE.....
Shay: aw man!
Shay goes to beg his parents for more money
Brad: 10
Brad: 9
Brad: 8
Brad: 7
Brad: 6
Brad: 5
Shay whines loudly
Brad: 4
Brad: 3
Shay inserts coin
Brad: 2
Brad: ...... .. ............... loading
Shay: whew!
Brad: You have been captured by PIRATE CRIPPLERS. And placed in the BRIG. There is a shaven elk, a three legged stool, a lot of hay on the ground, and the sound of cowbell in the DISTANCE
Shay: say "Arrrrg yer varments ! feer me i am theRUFFIAN
Brad: Don't understand FEER.
Shay: pet elk
Brad: The elk returns the favor, slowly
Brad: you have befriended elk. +14 points
Shay: look brig
Brad: You are deep with in a BRIG. The weathered wooden walls, and barrier between you and ELK seem roughly hewn. A covering of STRAW AND HAY covers the dirt floors. You see one end of BRIG is used to store FEED AND SUPPLIES
Shay: give hay to elk
Shay says "this is so sweet"
Brad: The ELK returns the favor, slowly
Shay: pul out swurd
Brad: You pull out your swurd. It is an elegant swurd. Covered in honey, and very spongy. You hear a COWBELL in the DISTANCE
Shay: brek out of jail with swurd
Brad: Don't understand JAIL
Brad: Or Brek
Brad: Or Swurd for that matter
Brad: -47 points
Shay: BREAK out of BRIG with swurd
Brad: -12 points
Shay says "What? This thing is grading me!!!"
Shay: BREAK out of BRIG with SWORD
Shay says "Stupid thing."
Brad: You hold your SWORD high aloft, as you walk out of the BRIG through the wooden door next to the HAY AND FEED. A tractor trundles by as you realize the BRIG was nothing more than OLD MAN CRABTREE'S BARN. You have been TRIPPING
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
Brad: LSDEEZ NUTS
Shay says "Whoa, this thing just blew my mind."
Shay: look
Brad: You are standing in a FARM. BARN is to the WEST. FARMHOUSE is to the EAST. To the NORTH is CORNFIELD OF DELIGHT. To the South is COWBELL's R US.
Shay: e
Shay says "I'm going to kill someone with this sword yet."
Brad: You venture forth towards the FARMHOUSE. A sign by the MAILBOX reads "Welcome to OLD MAN CRABTREE'S FARMIN' HOUSE OF FARMIN." At the ground lay a DROID LEG
Shay: look leg
Brad: It is a human leg, connected to your body, shaven on one side, and tatoo'd with various representations of speed limit signs of different regions of the world.
Shay yells "Whoa what? ...Oh wait that's MY leg? Dang this game is CRAZY!"
Shay: look at droid leg
Brad: As you examine the DROID LEG, you realize it's your long lost hallucinated droid sidekick AYNine FONZie's Leg. With a strange SWURD SHAPED HOLE.
Brad: SECRET FOUND!
Brad: ::::DROIDKILLER IS YOU::::::
Brad: -210 honor points
Shay says "What? I didn't even get the fun of killing it!"
Shay: enter farmhouse
Brad: The farmhouse is LOCKED. You hear sirens in the DISTANCE over the cowbell
Shay: hit lock with sword!
Brad: +2 XP
Shay says "Sweet!"
Brad: The LOCK DIES A GUTTERING DEATH. {MURDERCOUNT +1 Total murdercount 289{
Shay says "Whoa whoever played this last murdered a LOT"
Shay says "gotta beat the high score"
Shay: enter farmhouse
Brad: The COWBELL is louder in the farmhouse, as if it's coming through the open windows in the BACK OF THE FARMHOUSE. Sirens seem to be coming closer
Shay: look for victims
Brad: There is a HEADLESS VICTIM missing one LEG in the corner, a smashed BANJO on the table, and you stop your advance as parts of a DROID FACE crunch under your HUMAN FOOT.
Shay: look out windows
Brad: You see police cars entering the driveway near the CORNFIELD. as you look, you notice your REFLECTION.
Brad: You are shocked to see your own HUMAN HEAD attached to a glistening ROBOT BODY.
Brad: SELF REALIZATION UNLOCKED! UR OWN MURDERER!
Shay says "Huh? Wait, what?"
Shay says "Did I MURDER MYSELF? HOLY CRAP!"
Brad: SIRENS getting louder
Shay panics
Shay inserts coin
Brad: :::::::COIN REFUSED::::::::: IDENTITY CONFIRMED:::::::::AUTHORITIES ON WAY:::::
Shay says "WHAT?!!!!?"
Shay: no i am not a murderer i am 13 yrs old
Shay: do not call the polece
Shay: !!
Brad: From outside the FARMHOUSE you hear: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP, AYNine FONZie. You are wanted for the MURDER OF SHAY PIERCE
Shay says "What is going on?!? How does this game know my name??"
Shay: throw sword at coppers
Brad: ROBOT HUNTERS and POLICE Surround the house. Your SWORD Is caught by The CHIEF INVESTIGATOR as evidence of your HEINOUS CRIMES.
Shay: shoot coppers with laser eyes
Brad: -2,800 points - EVIDENCE LOST
Brad: Your eyes are human, your head has been transplanted onto the murderer robot. Also your leg. You will be forever punished for crimes you did not commit, but now appear to have committed to the POLICE.
Brad: The AUTHORITIES break down the door and capture you
Shay says "I STILL DON'T GET WHAT IS GOING ON I'M ONLY 13 WHAT IS HAPPENING"
Shay begins tearing up a bit
Brad: As you are being led away to the ROBOT COURT, you hear the semicrushed robot face of AYNine FONZie laughing evilly at you as you pay for his crimes
Shay says "Wait!"
Brad: Game Over
Shay begins crying openly
Brad: Secrets unlocked 14
Shay inserts coin
Brad: Emotional damage +17
Brad: ::::::INSUFFICIENT CREDIT:::::::::
Brad: ::::::::::::::::FANTASY STORY:::::::::::::
Brad: ::::::::INSERT COIN::::::::::::::::::
Shay: insert coin
Brad: :::::::::::Insufficient funds:::::::::::::::
Shay yells NOOO!
Shay inserts another coin
Brad: :::::::::::: Credit one play :::::::::::::::
Shay says "sweet."
Brad: Choose Character - RUFFIAN, MURDERSHOES, DUCKBILLED PLESIOSAURUS
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: ENTER NAME ___________________
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: Welcome, RUFFIAN RUFFIAN, Select character class. MAGE, GYPSY, COMMUNISM
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: RUFFIAN Character class requires addional DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT: INSERT COIN
Shay inserts a coin
Brad: ACHIVEMENT UNLOCKED: McGullibleCoingiver
Brad: RUFFIAN RUFFIAN, the famed RUFFIAN will now descend into the depths of MAULCLORTH ISLAND DUNGEON SPACE STATION.
Shay: oh awesome!
Brad: Your quest begins in .... INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE.....
Shay: aw man!
Shay goes to beg his parents for more money
Brad: 10
Brad: 9
Brad: 8
Brad: 7
Brad: 6
Brad: 5
Shay whines loudly
Brad: 4
Brad: 3
Shay inserts coin
Brad: 2
Brad: ...... .. ............... loading
Shay: whew!
Brad: You have been captured by PIRATE CRIPPLERS. And placed in the BRIG. There is a shaven elk, a three legged stool, a lot of hay on the ground, and the sound of cowbell in the DISTANCE
Shay: say "Arrrrg yer varments ! feer me i am theRUFFIAN
Brad: Don't understand FEER.
Shay: pet elk
Brad: The elk returns the favor, slowly
Brad: you have befriended elk. +14 points
Shay: look brig
Brad: You are deep with in a BRIG. The weathered wooden walls, and barrier between you and ELK seem roughly hewn. A covering of STRAW AND HAY covers the dirt floors. You see one end of BRIG is used to store FEED AND SUPPLIES
Shay: give hay to elk
Shay says "this is so sweet"
Brad: The ELK returns the favor, slowly
Shay: pul out swurd
Brad: You pull out your swurd. It is an elegant swurd. Covered in honey, and very spongy. You hear a COWBELL in the DISTANCE
Shay: brek out of jail with swurd
Brad: Don't understand JAIL
Brad: Or Brek
Brad: Or Swurd for that matter
Brad: -47 points
Shay: BREAK out of BRIG with swurd
Brad: -12 points
Shay says "What? This thing is grading me!!!"
Shay: BREAK out of BRIG with SWORD
Shay says "Stupid thing."
Brad: You hold your SWORD high aloft, as you walk out of the BRIG through the wooden door next to the HAY AND FEED. A tractor trundles by as you realize the BRIG was nothing more than OLD MAN CRABTREE'S BARN. You have been TRIPPING
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
Brad: LSDEEZ NUTS
Shay says "Whoa, this thing just blew my mind."
Shay: look
Brad: You are standing in a FARM. BARN is to the WEST. FARMHOUSE is to the EAST. To the NORTH is CORNFIELD OF DELIGHT. To the South is COWBELL's R US.
Shay: e
Shay says "I'm going to kill someone with this sword yet."
Brad: You venture forth towards the FARMHOUSE. A sign by the MAILBOX reads "Welcome to OLD MAN CRABTREE'S FARMIN' HOUSE OF FARMIN." At the ground lay a DROID LEG
Shay: look leg
Brad: It is a human leg, connected to your body, shaven on one side, and tatoo'd with various representations of speed limit signs of different regions of the world.
Shay yells "Whoa what? ...Oh wait that's MY leg? Dang this game is CRAZY!"
Shay: look at droid leg
Brad: As you examine the DROID LEG, you realize it's your long lost hallucinated droid sidekick AYNine FONZie's Leg. With a strange SWURD SHAPED HOLE.
Brad: SECRET FOUND!
Brad: ::::DROIDKILLER IS YOU::::::
Brad: -210 honor points
Shay says "What? I didn't even get the fun of killing it!"
Shay: enter farmhouse
Brad: The farmhouse is LOCKED. You hear sirens in the DISTANCE over the cowbell
Shay: hit lock with sword!
Brad: +2 XP
Shay says "Sweet!"
Brad: The LOCK DIES A GUTTERING DEATH. {MURDERCOUNT +1 Total murdercount 289{
Shay says "Whoa whoever played this last murdered a LOT"
Shay says "gotta beat the high score"
Shay: enter farmhouse
Brad: The COWBELL is louder in the farmhouse, as if it's coming through the open windows in the BACK OF THE FARMHOUSE. Sirens seem to be coming closer
Shay: look for victims
Brad: There is a HEADLESS VICTIM missing one LEG in the corner, a smashed BANJO on the table, and you stop your advance as parts of a DROID FACE crunch under your HUMAN FOOT.
Shay: look out windows
Brad: You see police cars entering the driveway near the CORNFIELD. as you look, you notice your REFLECTION.
Brad: You are shocked to see your own HUMAN HEAD attached to a glistening ROBOT BODY.
Brad: SELF REALIZATION UNLOCKED! UR OWN MURDERER!
Shay says "Huh? Wait, what?"
Shay says "Did I MURDER MYSELF? HOLY CRAP!"
Brad: SIRENS getting louder
Shay panics
Shay inserts coin
Brad: :::::::COIN REFUSED::::::::: IDENTITY CONFIRMED:::::::::AUTHORITIES ON WAY:::::
Shay says "WHAT?!!!!?"
Shay: no i am not a murderer i am 13 yrs old
Shay: do not call the polece
Shay: !!
Brad: From outside the FARMHOUSE you hear: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP, AYNine FONZie. You are wanted for the MURDER OF SHAY PIERCE
Shay says "What is going on?!? How does this game know my name??"
Shay: throw sword at coppers
Brad: ROBOT HUNTERS and POLICE Surround the house. Your SWORD Is caught by The CHIEF INVESTIGATOR as evidence of your HEINOUS CRIMES.
Shay: shoot coppers with laser eyes
Brad: -2,800 points - EVIDENCE LOST
Brad: Your eyes are human, your head has been transplanted onto the murderer robot. Also your leg. You will be forever punished for crimes you did not commit, but now appear to have committed to the POLICE.
Brad: The AUTHORITIES break down the door and capture you
Shay says "I STILL DON'T GET WHAT IS GOING ON I'M ONLY 13 WHAT IS HAPPENING"
Shay begins tearing up a bit
Brad: As you are being led away to the ROBOT COURT, you hear the semicrushed robot face of AYNine FONZie laughing evilly at you as you pay for his crimes
Shay says "Wait!"
Brad: Game Over
Shay begins crying openly
Brad: Secrets unlocked 14
Shay inserts coin
Brad: Emotional damage +17
Brad: ::::::INSUFFICIENT CREDIT:::::::::
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Developer Diary #3: Exploration
Brad: thing is, you aren't saying Look Around very often
Brad: so I can't paint a picture of where you are, and entice you into things
Shay: yeah I don't, but that's partly because 90% of the time I look at something, you cause 3 other things to happen
Brad: I mean, an island of dessert? you didn't even look around
Brad: Ah, ok
Shay: heh, yeah, I did want to explore the dessert island a bit more
Shay: I like exploring your weird ideas, it's just hard to when a chigger is jumping out of every broccolibush
Brad: there was a myriad of interesting aspects to DESSERT ISLAND, now reduced to a smoldering crater in the west pacific
Shay: I'll do a better job of exploring your next creation before you destroy it for no reason
Brad: so I can't paint a picture of where you are, and entice you into things
Shay: yeah I don't, but that's partly because 90% of the time I look at something, you cause 3 other things to happen
Brad: I mean, an island of dessert? you didn't even look around
Brad: Ah, ok
Shay: heh, yeah, I did want to explore the dessert island a bit more
Shay: I like exploring your weird ideas, it's just hard to when a chigger is jumping out of every broccolibush
Brad: there was a myriad of interesting aspects to DESSERT ISLAND, now reduced to a smoldering crater in the west pacific
Shay: I'll do a better job of exploring your next creation before you destroy it for no reason
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