Brad: :::::::::::::SELECT CHARACTER NAME::::::::::::::
Shay: Jimmijon
Brad: SELECT FONT: A)Arial B)Comic Sans C) FIXEDSYS
Shay: D) wingdings
Brad: SECRET LEVEL UNLICKED
Brad: You have entered the caverns of the Wingding tribe
Brad: To the NORTH is the King of the Wingdings, Bing. To the SOUTH is HELVETICATROPOLIS, a nation of evil cyborganisms. To the EAST is a WALGREENS. To the WEST is ABANDONED SUBMARINE
Shay: n
Brad: As you approach his highnessness King Bing of the WINGDINGS, you notice his chiseled edges, glistening in the sun. The myriad array of pixels that make up his shape are succulent to your eyeholes. He regards you with wonder. "Wharf Manner of roundish creature are thee, o, pasty one?"
Shay: say "I am what I am, which is to say, a yam named Jimmijon."
Brad: DON'T UNDERSTAND " " "
Brad: The king grows weary of your silence.
Shay: say hello
Brad: As you greet the King, suddenly a fervor erupts to the SOUTH. "O Noes!" Screams the King. "The helveticans are attacking!" Do you A) Help resist the onslaught of sans serrif scumbags, or 2) Turn against your new king and help overthrow the peace loving WINGDINGS?
Shay: A!
Brad: You grab the king's trusty SOLIDTILTEDARROWSWORD named Claire, and vault into battle to the SOUTH. You are met by EDGAR THE MOST SQUARE, of the Helvetician army.
Shay: challenge edgar
Brad: "Your serrif will be truncated, pasty one" he says, as he swings aloft his mighty UMLAUT, an axe of such horror and curly pointy bits that most air particles try to avoid it.
Brad: Do you A) Duck, B)Allow it to penetrate your body, sacrificing yourself for the good of the WINGDINGS, C)Dance a mighty jig, D)Save progress?
Shay: D
Brad: As you are reaching for the save key, EDGAR THE MOST SQUARE delivers a seriffshattering blow to your extruded bits. You have been rendered SQUARISH.
Brad: at your feet lay BITS
Shay: say I am not squarsh, i am yam
Brad: Syntax Error. Don't understand Shay:
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED! ROOTKIT VIRUS!
Brad: :::::::::::::DELETING HARDDRIVE
Brad: ::::::::::::::DELETING MONITOR
Brad: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::DELETING PLAYER 1
Shay: ctrl alt delete
Brad: As the rootkit virus crawls up your "computerin' hands" to erase you from existence, you decide that pouring those nanobots into your computer's disk drive was a bad idea.
Brad: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::DELETING LIFE
Brad: You have died.
Brad: Score 147
Shay: reload game
Brad: STACK DUMP
Brad: BLUESCREEN
Brad: PLEASE CONTACT YOUR SYSTEM ADMINISTRATOR
Shay: hey Brad
Brad: yeah
Shay: your game gave me a bluescreen
Brad: Hm, really?
Shay: what should I do?
Shay: also I think it killed me
Brad: Oh yeah, it prolly did that.
Brad: Hm
Brad: Oh, did you try to reload it after you were dead, and after it deleted itself?
Shay: uh, well I was dead at the time so my memory isn't really very clear, but that sounds right.
Shay: I also may have hit ctrl alt delete at some point, but it may be after I didn't have hands, so...
Brad: Yeah, you can't do that. At that point it doesn't exist, and you're a ghost. And being a ghost, you can't access games that don't exist
Shay: oh okay. so am I still a ghost then?
Brad: Pretty much, yes
Shay: that would explain why I can't see myself in a mirror, and why I'm so cold.
Brad: see that pile of nanobots eatin what is left of you?
Shay: right right, okay.
Brad: yeah.
Shay: it's all coming together now
Brad: well, no, it's decomposing actually.
Shay: but it said to contact my system administrator and he would fix it
Brad: That would be me, buuut...
[Long pause]
Shay: you're asking for a hauntening here
Shay: don't think I won't do it.
Brad: Ok, lets do this. I'll try reforming your body from nanobots, using,,, a picture of.... Joe Piscopo
Shay: all right, there's one in the wallet of my corpse so this should be pretty quick
Brad: there, now you may reanimate yourself.
Shay: oh, you had the photo, never mind.
Brad: sigh
Shay: all right so I'll just jump into my body now.
Shay: I AM REBORN IN FLESH
Brad: NOOOOOOOO
Shay: IN THIS HOUR I WALK THE EARTH YET AGAIN
Shay: IT'S AWESOME. THANKS BRAD!
Brad: enjoy feelings
Shay: NOW CAN YOU HELP ME TURN OFF CAPS LOCK?
Brad: no, that's on by design
Shay: ALSO I NOTICED THAT WHENEVER I TALK, I SCREAM
Brad: That's a new feature
Brad: to help with the almost deaf
Shay: AND ALSO THERE ARE OTHER SCREAMING VOICES COMING OUT OF MY THROAT THAT ARE NOT MY OWN
Brad: Those are the nanobots. They finally have a way to voice their dissatisfaction about the winter olympics results. They're pretty fanatical about that.
Shay: OH OKAY. AND WHAT ABOUT THE FACT THAT MY HANDS ARE CRIMSON FOUNTAINS OF SUPERNATURAL ENERGY?
Brad: That's to be expected, terrify two village children and call me in the morning.
Shay: ALREADY ON TOP IF IT. THANKS MAN
Brad: Your m......
Shay emits a beam of pure energy from his half-ghostly arms that fills your nasal passages with a burning sensation such as you've never known
Shay: NO MORE "YOUR MOM" JOKES, BRAD. OR YOU GET A HAUNTENING.
Brad: Owie
Shay: all right let's end it there
Shay: ...possibly before.
Brad: possibly before we started
Friday, April 2, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Band Names.
Brad: You know what reminds me of our conversations? "Between two ferns"
Shay: haha, yeah I've watched most of those
Brad: those are good
Brad: I am not sure which one is you.
Shay: I'm Andy Dick
Shay: typing loudly on an iPhone
Brad: that was carrot top
Brad: So yes. You're carrot top
Shay: yay
Brad: How does it feel to be carrot top?
Shay: it feels orange
Brad: is your middle name honeybaked?
Shay: Carrot Honeybaked Top?
Brad: sigh
Shay: I want to start a band
Brad: Rubber, or musical?
Shay: ...called Cookie Cookie Puddin' and Pie
Shay: musical.
Brad: Cause a rubber band called that is not great
Brad: I think a good band name would be racecar
Shay: all lower caps?
Brad: no, that's a bad band name.
Shay: Flaming Midget Research
Brad: Half Of.
Shay: Name.
Brad: now you're thinking
Brad: criscofist
Shay: Salivating Draculas.
Brad: weaselpowder
Shay: Kryptonite Crucifix
Brad: canadian shoe
Brad: Polish Army
Shay: Massive Bear Damage
Brad: Stringled
Brad: Taste three
Shay: DeathDeth
Brad: taco hat
Brad: red mandrake
Shay: Hi Falutin and the Burrito Terrorists
Brad: Live in Concert
Shay: ahahahahahaha
Brad: puppypieces
Shay: Kitten Soup
Brad: Standwich
Shay: Listen To Us
Brad: Generic Band
Shay: Unknown Artist
Brad: It Comes from our Mouths
Shay: Singing Windmills [A They Might Be Giants cover band]
Brad: Passtronomical
Shay: I Be An Retarded
Brad: Dresscue
Brad: you win
Brad: I am done
Brad: But I like Standwich
Shay: I like them all.
Shay: Live In Concert might be my favorite though
Brad: Yeah, that's not a bad one
Brad: it would be hard to announce them
Shay: well their self-titled debut album would also be their live album
Brad: and when they're on tour,,, mass confusion
Shay: or, maybe their live album would later have the same name as their self-titled debut album?
Brad: by the time the music industry figures it out, they've already had their VH1 Where are they now special
Shay: hahaha
Shay: haha, yeah I've watched most of those
Brad: those are good
Brad: I am not sure which one is you.
Shay: I'm Andy Dick
Shay: typing loudly on an iPhone
Brad: that was carrot top
Brad: So yes. You're carrot top
Shay: yay
Brad: How does it feel to be carrot top?
Shay: it feels orange
Brad: is your middle name honeybaked?
Shay: Carrot Honeybaked Top?
Brad: sigh
Shay: I want to start a band
Brad: Rubber, or musical?
Shay: ...called Cookie Cookie Puddin' and Pie
Shay: musical.
Brad: Cause a rubber band called that is not great
Brad: I think a good band name would be racecar
Shay: all lower caps?
Brad: no, that's a bad band name.
Shay: Flaming Midget Research
Brad: Half Of.
Shay: Name.
Brad: now you're thinking
Brad: criscofist
Shay: Salivating Draculas.
Brad: weaselpowder
Shay: Kryptonite Crucifix
Brad: canadian shoe
Brad: Polish Army
Shay: Massive Bear Damage
Brad: Stringled
Brad: Taste three
Shay: DeathDeth
Brad: taco hat
Brad: red mandrake
Shay: Hi Falutin and the Burrito Terrorists
Brad: Live in Concert
Shay: ahahahahahaha
Brad: puppypieces
Shay: Kitten Soup
Brad: Standwich
Shay: Listen To Us
Brad: Generic Band
Shay: Unknown Artist
Brad: It Comes from our Mouths
Shay: Singing Windmills [A They Might Be Giants cover band]
Brad: Passtronomical
Shay: I Be An Retarded
Brad: Dresscue
Brad: you win
Brad: I am done
Brad: But I like Standwich
Shay: I like them all.
Shay: Live In Concert might be my favorite though
Brad: Yeah, that's not a bad one
Brad: it would be hard to announce them
Shay: well their self-titled debut album would also be their live album
Brad: and when they're on tour,,, mass confusion
Shay: or, maybe their live album would later have the same name as their self-titled debut album?
Brad: by the time the music industry figures it out, they've already had their VH1 Where are they now special
Shay: hahaha
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A different number.
Brad: #62
[long pause]
Brad: you there, with pants
Shay: who are you talking to?
Brad: I assume you have pants
Brad: Perhaps not
Shay: you know what happens when you assume
Shay: ...I take off my pants.
Brad: I ... no.
Brad: Catacombs is at #61
IQpierce: was that the number you sent me earlier?
Brad: No, that was a different number
Shay: that was the number of cheese monkeys?
Brad: that was #62
Brad: #61 is one less
Brad: I wish I had a cheesemonkey
Brad: I want a snack
Shay: me too. so that's awesome, I bet it's rising fast now that it's featured by Apple
Shay: I've heard that's a huge deal
Brad: bigtime
Brad: like, it wasn't in the top 100 yesterday
Shay: wow
Brad: It is the gentle gaze of favor from apple
Shay: I like the flavor of apples.
Brad: In soviet russia, you are ground up into paste and fed to pirates
Shay: ahahahahaha
Shay: all right go post this entire conversation on the blog.
Shay: just the pants onwards
Brad: no, the pants downwards
Shay does a rimshot on his sweet drum set
Shay: man that sounds kinda wrong.
Brad: it must be out of tune
Shay: haha
[long pause]
Brad: you there, with pants
Shay: who are you talking to?
Brad: I assume you have pants
Brad: Perhaps not
Shay: you know what happens when you assume
Shay: ...I take off my pants.
Brad: I ... no.
Brad: Catacombs is at #61
IQpierce: was that the number you sent me earlier?
Brad: No, that was a different number
Shay: that was the number of cheese monkeys?
Brad: that was #62
Brad: #61 is one less
Brad: I wish I had a cheesemonkey
Brad: I want a snack
Shay: me too. so that's awesome, I bet it's rising fast now that it's featured by Apple
Shay: I've heard that's a huge deal
Brad: bigtime
Brad: like, it wasn't in the top 100 yesterday
Shay: wow
Brad: It is the gentle gaze of favor from apple
Shay: I like the flavor of apples.
Brad: In soviet russia, you are ground up into paste and fed to pirates
Shay: ahahahahaha
Shay: all right go post this entire conversation on the blog.
Shay: just the pants onwards
Brad: no, the pants downwards
Shay does a rimshot on his sweet drum set
Shay: man that sounds kinda wrong.
Brad: it must be out of tune
Shay: haha
Friday, February 26, 2010
Adventure #21: Confusion in the Arcade
Brad: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
Brad: ::::::::::::::::FANTASY STORY:::::::::::::
Brad: ::::::::INSERT COIN::::::::::::::::::
Shay: insert coin
Brad: :::::::::::Insufficient funds:::::::::::::::
Shay yells NOOO!
Shay inserts another coin
Brad: :::::::::::: Credit one play :::::::::::::::
Shay says "sweet."
Brad: Choose Character - RUFFIAN, MURDERSHOES, DUCKBILLED PLESIOSAURUS
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: ENTER NAME ___________________
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: Welcome, RUFFIAN RUFFIAN, Select character class. MAGE, GYPSY, COMMUNISM
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: RUFFIAN Character class requires addional DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT: INSERT COIN
Shay inserts a coin
Brad: ACHIVEMENT UNLOCKED: McGullibleCoingiver
Brad: RUFFIAN RUFFIAN, the famed RUFFIAN will now descend into the depths of MAULCLORTH ISLAND DUNGEON SPACE STATION.
Shay: oh awesome!
Brad: Your quest begins in .... INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE.....
Shay: aw man!
Shay goes to beg his parents for more money
Brad: 10
Brad: 9
Brad: 8
Brad: 7
Brad: 6
Brad: 5
Shay whines loudly
Brad: 4
Brad: 3
Shay inserts coin
Brad: 2
Brad: ...... .. ............... loading
Shay: whew!
Brad: You have been captured by PIRATE CRIPPLERS. And placed in the BRIG. There is a shaven elk, a three legged stool, a lot of hay on the ground, and the sound of cowbell in the DISTANCE
Shay: say "Arrrrg yer varments ! feer me i am theRUFFIAN
Brad: Don't understand FEER.
Shay: pet elk
Brad: The elk returns the favor, slowly
Brad: you have befriended elk. +14 points
Shay: look brig
Brad: You are deep with in a BRIG. The weathered wooden walls, and barrier between you and ELK seem roughly hewn. A covering of STRAW AND HAY covers the dirt floors. You see one end of BRIG is used to store FEED AND SUPPLIES
Shay: give hay to elk
Shay says "this is so sweet"
Brad: The ELK returns the favor, slowly
Shay: pul out swurd
Brad: You pull out your swurd. It is an elegant swurd. Covered in honey, and very spongy. You hear a COWBELL in the DISTANCE
Shay: brek out of jail with swurd
Brad: Don't understand JAIL
Brad: Or Brek
Brad: Or Swurd for that matter
Brad: -47 points
Shay: BREAK out of BRIG with swurd
Brad: -12 points
Shay says "What? This thing is grading me!!!"
Shay: BREAK out of BRIG with SWORD
Shay says "Stupid thing."
Brad: You hold your SWORD high aloft, as you walk out of the BRIG through the wooden door next to the HAY AND FEED. A tractor trundles by as you realize the BRIG was nothing more than OLD MAN CRABTREE'S BARN. You have been TRIPPING
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
Brad: LSDEEZ NUTS
Shay says "Whoa, this thing just blew my mind."
Shay: look
Brad: You are standing in a FARM. BARN is to the WEST. FARMHOUSE is to the EAST. To the NORTH is CORNFIELD OF DELIGHT. To the South is COWBELL's R US.
Shay: e
Shay says "I'm going to kill someone with this sword yet."
Brad: You venture forth towards the FARMHOUSE. A sign by the MAILBOX reads "Welcome to OLD MAN CRABTREE'S FARMIN' HOUSE OF FARMIN." At the ground lay a DROID LEG
Shay: look leg
Brad: It is a human leg, connected to your body, shaven on one side, and tatoo'd with various representations of speed limit signs of different regions of the world.
Shay yells "Whoa what? ...Oh wait that's MY leg? Dang this game is CRAZY!"
Shay: look at droid leg
Brad: As you examine the DROID LEG, you realize it's your long lost hallucinated droid sidekick AYNine FONZie's Leg. With a strange SWURD SHAPED HOLE.
Brad: SECRET FOUND!
Brad: ::::DROIDKILLER IS YOU::::::
Brad: -210 honor points
Shay says "What? I didn't even get the fun of killing it!"
Shay: enter farmhouse
Brad: The farmhouse is LOCKED. You hear sirens in the DISTANCE over the cowbell
Shay: hit lock with sword!
Brad: +2 XP
Shay says "Sweet!"
Brad: The LOCK DIES A GUTTERING DEATH. {MURDERCOUNT +1 Total murdercount 289{
Shay says "Whoa whoever played this last murdered a LOT"
Shay says "gotta beat the high score"
Shay: enter farmhouse
Brad: The COWBELL is louder in the farmhouse, as if it's coming through the open windows in the BACK OF THE FARMHOUSE. Sirens seem to be coming closer
Shay: look for victims
Brad: There is a HEADLESS VICTIM missing one LEG in the corner, a smashed BANJO on the table, and you stop your advance as parts of a DROID FACE crunch under your HUMAN FOOT.
Shay: look out windows
Brad: You see police cars entering the driveway near the CORNFIELD. as you look, you notice your REFLECTION.
Brad: You are shocked to see your own HUMAN HEAD attached to a glistening ROBOT BODY.
Brad: SELF REALIZATION UNLOCKED! UR OWN MURDERER!
Shay says "Huh? Wait, what?"
Shay says "Did I MURDER MYSELF? HOLY CRAP!"
Brad: SIRENS getting louder
Shay panics
Shay inserts coin
Brad: :::::::COIN REFUSED::::::::: IDENTITY CONFIRMED:::::::::AUTHORITIES ON WAY:::::
Shay says "WHAT?!!!!?"
Shay: no i am not a murderer i am 13 yrs old
Shay: do not call the polece
Shay: !!
Brad: From outside the FARMHOUSE you hear: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP, AYNine FONZie. You are wanted for the MURDER OF SHAY PIERCE
Shay says "What is going on?!? How does this game know my name??"
Shay: throw sword at coppers
Brad: ROBOT HUNTERS and POLICE Surround the house. Your SWORD Is caught by The CHIEF INVESTIGATOR as evidence of your HEINOUS CRIMES.
Shay: shoot coppers with laser eyes
Brad: -2,800 points - EVIDENCE LOST
Brad: Your eyes are human, your head has been transplanted onto the murderer robot. Also your leg. You will be forever punished for crimes you did not commit, but now appear to have committed to the POLICE.
Brad: The AUTHORITIES break down the door and capture you
Shay says "I STILL DON'T GET WHAT IS GOING ON I'M ONLY 13 WHAT IS HAPPENING"
Shay begins tearing up a bit
Brad: As you are being led away to the ROBOT COURT, you hear the semicrushed robot face of AYNine FONZie laughing evilly at you as you pay for his crimes
Shay says "Wait!"
Brad: Game Over
Shay begins crying openly
Brad: Secrets unlocked 14
Shay inserts coin
Brad: Emotional damage +17
Brad: ::::::INSUFFICIENT CREDIT:::::::::
Brad: ::::::::::::::::FANTASY STORY:::::::::::::
Brad: ::::::::INSERT COIN::::::::::::::::::
Shay: insert coin
Brad: :::::::::::Insufficient funds:::::::::::::::
Shay yells NOOO!
Shay inserts another coin
Brad: :::::::::::: Credit one play :::::::::::::::
Shay says "sweet."
Brad: Choose Character - RUFFIAN, MURDERSHOES, DUCKBILLED PLESIOSAURUS
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: ENTER NAME ___________________
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: Welcome, RUFFIAN RUFFIAN, Select character class. MAGE, GYPSY, COMMUNISM
Shay: RUFFIAN
Brad: RUFFIAN Character class requires addional DOWNLOADABLE CONTENT: INSERT COIN
Shay inserts a coin
Brad: ACHIVEMENT UNLOCKED: McGullibleCoingiver
Brad: RUFFIAN RUFFIAN, the famed RUFFIAN will now descend into the depths of MAULCLORTH ISLAND DUNGEON SPACE STATION.
Shay: oh awesome!
Brad: Your quest begins in .... INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE.....
Shay: aw man!
Shay goes to beg his parents for more money
Brad: 10
Brad: 9
Brad: 8
Brad: 7
Brad: 6
Brad: 5
Shay whines loudly
Brad: 4
Brad: 3
Shay inserts coin
Brad: 2
Brad: ...... .. ............... loading
Shay: whew!
Brad: You have been captured by PIRATE CRIPPLERS. And placed in the BRIG. There is a shaven elk, a three legged stool, a lot of hay on the ground, and the sound of cowbell in the DISTANCE
Shay: say "Arrrrg yer varments ! feer me i am theRUFFIAN
Brad: Don't understand FEER.
Shay: pet elk
Brad: The elk returns the favor, slowly
Brad: you have befriended elk. +14 points
Shay: look brig
Brad: You are deep with in a BRIG. The weathered wooden walls, and barrier between you and ELK seem roughly hewn. A covering of STRAW AND HAY covers the dirt floors. You see one end of BRIG is used to store FEED AND SUPPLIES
Shay: give hay to elk
Shay says "this is so sweet"
Brad: The ELK returns the favor, slowly
Shay: pul out swurd
Brad: You pull out your swurd. It is an elegant swurd. Covered in honey, and very spongy. You hear a COWBELL in the DISTANCE
Shay: brek out of jail with swurd
Brad: Don't understand JAIL
Brad: Or Brek
Brad: Or Swurd for that matter
Brad: -47 points
Shay: BREAK out of BRIG with swurd
Brad: -12 points
Shay says "What? This thing is grading me!!!"
Shay: BREAK out of BRIG with SWORD
Shay says "Stupid thing."
Brad: You hold your SWORD high aloft, as you walk out of the BRIG through the wooden door next to the HAY AND FEED. A tractor trundles by as you realize the BRIG was nothing more than OLD MAN CRABTREE'S BARN. You have been TRIPPING
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!
Brad: LSDEEZ NUTS
Shay says "Whoa, this thing just blew my mind."
Shay: look
Brad: You are standing in a FARM. BARN is to the WEST. FARMHOUSE is to the EAST. To the NORTH is CORNFIELD OF DELIGHT. To the South is COWBELL's R US.
Shay: e
Shay says "I'm going to kill someone with this sword yet."
Brad: You venture forth towards the FARMHOUSE. A sign by the MAILBOX reads "Welcome to OLD MAN CRABTREE'S FARMIN' HOUSE OF FARMIN." At the ground lay a DROID LEG
Shay: look leg
Brad: It is a human leg, connected to your body, shaven on one side, and tatoo'd with various representations of speed limit signs of different regions of the world.
Shay yells "Whoa what? ...Oh wait that's MY leg? Dang this game is CRAZY!"
Shay: look at droid leg
Brad: As you examine the DROID LEG, you realize it's your long lost hallucinated droid sidekick AYNine FONZie's Leg. With a strange SWURD SHAPED HOLE.
Brad: SECRET FOUND!
Brad: ::::DROIDKILLER IS YOU::::::
Brad: -210 honor points
Shay says "What? I didn't even get the fun of killing it!"
Shay: enter farmhouse
Brad: The farmhouse is LOCKED. You hear sirens in the DISTANCE over the cowbell
Shay: hit lock with sword!
Brad: +2 XP
Shay says "Sweet!"
Brad: The LOCK DIES A GUTTERING DEATH. {MURDERCOUNT +1 Total murdercount 289{
Shay says "Whoa whoever played this last murdered a LOT"
Shay says "gotta beat the high score"
Shay: enter farmhouse
Brad: The COWBELL is louder in the farmhouse, as if it's coming through the open windows in the BACK OF THE FARMHOUSE. Sirens seem to be coming closer
Shay: look for victims
Brad: There is a HEADLESS VICTIM missing one LEG in the corner, a smashed BANJO on the table, and you stop your advance as parts of a DROID FACE crunch under your HUMAN FOOT.
Shay: look out windows
Brad: You see police cars entering the driveway near the CORNFIELD. as you look, you notice your REFLECTION.
Brad: You are shocked to see your own HUMAN HEAD attached to a glistening ROBOT BODY.
Brad: SELF REALIZATION UNLOCKED! UR OWN MURDERER!
Shay says "Huh? Wait, what?"
Shay says "Did I MURDER MYSELF? HOLY CRAP!"
Brad: SIRENS getting louder
Shay panics
Shay inserts coin
Brad: :::::::COIN REFUSED::::::::: IDENTITY CONFIRMED:::::::::AUTHORITIES ON WAY:::::
Shay says "WHAT?!!!!?"
Shay: no i am not a murderer i am 13 yrs old
Shay: do not call the polece
Shay: !!
Brad: From outside the FARMHOUSE you hear: COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP, AYNine FONZie. You are wanted for the MURDER OF SHAY PIERCE
Shay says "What is going on?!? How does this game know my name??"
Shay: throw sword at coppers
Brad: ROBOT HUNTERS and POLICE Surround the house. Your SWORD Is caught by The CHIEF INVESTIGATOR as evidence of your HEINOUS CRIMES.
Shay: shoot coppers with laser eyes
Brad: -2,800 points - EVIDENCE LOST
Brad: Your eyes are human, your head has been transplanted onto the murderer robot. Also your leg. You will be forever punished for crimes you did not commit, but now appear to have committed to the POLICE.
Brad: The AUTHORITIES break down the door and capture you
Shay says "I STILL DON'T GET WHAT IS GOING ON I'M ONLY 13 WHAT IS HAPPENING"
Shay begins tearing up a bit
Brad: As you are being led away to the ROBOT COURT, you hear the semicrushed robot face of AYNine FONZie laughing evilly at you as you pay for his crimes
Shay says "Wait!"
Brad: Game Over
Shay begins crying openly
Brad: Secrets unlocked 14
Shay inserts coin
Brad: Emotional damage +17
Brad: ::::::INSUFFICIENT CREDIT:::::::::
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Developer Diary #3: Exploration
Brad: thing is, you aren't saying Look Around very often
Brad: so I can't paint a picture of where you are, and entice you into things
Shay: yeah I don't, but that's partly because 90% of the time I look at something, you cause 3 other things to happen
Brad: I mean, an island of dessert? you didn't even look around
Brad: Ah, ok
Shay: heh, yeah, I did want to explore the dessert island a bit more
Shay: I like exploring your weird ideas, it's just hard to when a chigger is jumping out of every broccolibush
Brad: there was a myriad of interesting aspects to DESSERT ISLAND, now reduced to a smoldering crater in the west pacific
Shay: I'll do a better job of exploring your next creation before you destroy it for no reason
Brad: so I can't paint a picture of where you are, and entice you into things
Shay: yeah I don't, but that's partly because 90% of the time I look at something, you cause 3 other things to happen
Brad: I mean, an island of dessert? you didn't even look around
Brad: Ah, ok
Shay: heh, yeah, I did want to explore the dessert island a bit more
Shay: I like exploring your weird ideas, it's just hard to when a chigger is jumping out of every broccolibush
Brad: there was a myriad of interesting aspects to DESSERT ISLAND, now reduced to a smoldering crater in the west pacific
Shay: I'll do a better job of exploring your next creation before you destroy it for no reason
Adventure #19: Dessert Island
Shay: I recognize Festivus
Shay: But I don't have a Festivus Pole...
Brad: I gave your mom a festivus pole
Shay: ooooh snap sys 37829032
Brad: Welcome to Shay and Brad's Textellent SPOOKYTOWN Adventure.
Brad: You have been abandoned on a dessert island. There are no eskimos to barter with.
Shay: look eskimo
Brad: There are no Eskimos with which to Barter.
Shay: look esquimaux
Brad: To the East is a lone Esquimaux. He has been frozen solid, a stone visage of his former self, slightly eroded, and marked by pidgeons.
Brad: pigeons
Shay: look pidgeons
Brad: Don't understand pidgeons.
Shay: i
Brad: You wield FLAMING SHOULDERPADS OF VALOR, seven cans of SPAM, an ornate map in a language you do not understand, could be pigeonspeak.
Shay: look pigeon markings
Brad: It appears as though it is a map of the DESSERT ISLAND. The vernacular seems to be a dialect of chickenscratch.
Shay: i meant the pigeon markings on the frozen esquimaux
Brad: Don't understand "the"
Shay: n
Brad: You venture North, precariously close to MERINGUE CLIFF.
Brad: The cool sea breezes tousle your hair as if it was so many cornhusks draping a roundish bowling ball
Shay: sniff cliff
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - CLIFF CLAVEN
Brad: MERINGUE CLIFF smells of pies and nostalgia, it could be eaten, or shoveled away. There appears a DARK SHAPE underneath
Shay: look dark shape
Brad: It's a dark shape alright, dark and shapey.
Brad: perhaps you should uncover it, and touch it
Shay: eat meringue in direction of dark shape
Brad: You engage mouth parts and attack the MERINGUE CLIFF with the vigor of a dutch stable boy. As you near the DARK SHAPE, you realize it's none other than an ACME HOLE-O-MATIC black circle. These are used to put holes in the sides of walls, the floor, etc. in CARTOONS>
Shay: take hole-o-matic
Brad: you pry up t he HOLE-O-MATIC and carefully roll it up and stow it in your BAG OF HOLDING. Unfortunately the infinite bag of holding reacts poorly with the HOLE O MATIC and produces an unstable FICTIONAL SINGULARITY.
Brad: You are faced with a TEMPORAL PARADOX SUNDAE
Shay: add meringue to sundae
Brad: With great skill, you apply the remaining MERINGUE to the SUNDAE. with a loud POP and fizzle, the miniature black hole is appeased and you are left alone on DESSERT ISLAND NORTH SHORE AND TAXIDERMY STATION with no bag of holding and no HOLE-O-MATIC
Shay: eat sundae
Brad: You consume the SUNDAE. You have gained I SCREAM HEADACHE
Shay: scream
Brad: You scream a scream of a thousand screams. Your voice shredding your vocal cords like a shredder going through vocal cords and old bills. As your wailing voice echoes out through the DESSERT ISLAND, you notice a rustling in the BROCCOLIBUSHES
Shay: look broccolibushes
Brad: The BROCCOLIBUSHES seem out of place on a DESSERT ISLAND, a weathered sign post peeks out from the bush, some faint letters in ENGLISH are written hence.
Shay: look sign
Brad: The sign reads 'BEWARE OF KILLER BROCCOLI, IT DON'T BELONG HERE RUN FAR AWAAAYYYYY,,, AGGHGHHHHHHHhhhhhhggghhghgh.......ack'
Shay: throw can of spam into broccolibushes
Brad: As you reach for your can of SPAM, the BROCCOLIBUSHES dance and shimmy, and part forcibly as a GIANT CHIGGER leapeth forth in a growling attack.
Shay: throw can of spam into chigger
Brad: Your girly throw lands 3 feet from you, and the GIANT CHIGGER pounces on your beginning a chew session that will probably end your life.
Brad: As you are being chewed, you notice that the SIGN has been toppled over to the other side, and it reads " HA IT WAS A TRAP, no one takes the time to write out AUUUGGHGHHHHHH. Who would do that anyway, also, while you are reading this, you're probably being chewed to death by Frank the GIANT CHIGGER"
Shay: look Frank
Brad: You use your eyes to percieve FRANK THE GIANT CHIGGER as he is chewing your leg off. He is large, chigger shaped and is wearing a mechanic's shirt with "paul" on the name tag.
Shay: pray to chigger gods
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: SPANISH INQUISITION!
Brad: The chigger gods do not exist, but your pious display pleases FRANK. He stops chewing your leg, though it is terminally damaged. You now have -1 leg.
Shay: ask frank his name
Brad: As you ask FRANK his name, a METEORITE hits DESSERT ISLAND. You and your new friend FRANK are reduced to atoms.
Brad: You are dead
Brad: Score 819
Brad: Achievements unlocked 9
Brad: Fancy ponies resqued - 0
Shay: view achievements
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - Hamburger helper
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - Iraddiated Dating
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - Nut Bread
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - CAT SCAN SUNGLASSES
Brad: SECRET - made for a man, but strong enough for you
Shay: check spelling of rescued, pigeons, and eskimo
Brad: Syntaz Eror.
Shay: But I don't have a Festivus Pole...
Brad: I gave your mom a festivus pole
Shay: ooooh snap sys 37829032
Brad: Welcome to Shay and Brad's Textellent SPOOKYTOWN Adventure.
Brad: You have been abandoned on a dessert island. There are no eskimos to barter with.
Shay: look eskimo
Brad: There are no Eskimos with which to Barter.
Shay: look esquimaux
Brad: To the East is a lone Esquimaux. He has been frozen solid, a stone visage of his former self, slightly eroded, and marked by pidgeons.
Brad: pigeons
Shay: look pidgeons
Brad: Don't understand pidgeons.
Shay: i
Brad: You wield FLAMING SHOULDERPADS OF VALOR, seven cans of SPAM, an ornate map in a language you do not understand, could be pigeonspeak.
Shay: look pigeon markings
Brad: It appears as though it is a map of the DESSERT ISLAND. The vernacular seems to be a dialect of chickenscratch.
Shay: i meant the pigeon markings on the frozen esquimaux
Brad: Don't understand "the"
Shay: n
Brad: You venture North, precariously close to MERINGUE CLIFF.
Brad: The cool sea breezes tousle your hair as if it was so many cornhusks draping a roundish bowling ball
Shay: sniff cliff
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - CLIFF CLAVEN
Brad: MERINGUE CLIFF smells of pies and nostalgia, it could be eaten, or shoveled away. There appears a DARK SHAPE underneath
Shay: look dark shape
Brad: It's a dark shape alright, dark and shapey.
Brad: perhaps you should uncover it, and touch it
Shay: eat meringue in direction of dark shape
Brad: You engage mouth parts and attack the MERINGUE CLIFF with the vigor of a dutch stable boy. As you near the DARK SHAPE, you realize it's none other than an ACME HOLE-O-MATIC black circle. These are used to put holes in the sides of walls, the floor, etc. in CARTOONS>
Shay: take hole-o-matic
Brad: you pry up t he HOLE-O-MATIC and carefully roll it up and stow it in your BAG OF HOLDING. Unfortunately the infinite bag of holding reacts poorly with the HOLE O MATIC and produces an unstable FICTIONAL SINGULARITY.
Brad: You are faced with a TEMPORAL PARADOX SUNDAE
Shay: add meringue to sundae
Brad: With great skill, you apply the remaining MERINGUE to the SUNDAE. with a loud POP and fizzle, the miniature black hole is appeased and you are left alone on DESSERT ISLAND NORTH SHORE AND TAXIDERMY STATION with no bag of holding and no HOLE-O-MATIC
Shay: eat sundae
Brad: You consume the SUNDAE. You have gained I SCREAM HEADACHE
Shay: scream
Brad: You scream a scream of a thousand screams. Your voice shredding your vocal cords like a shredder going through vocal cords and old bills. As your wailing voice echoes out through the DESSERT ISLAND, you notice a rustling in the BROCCOLIBUSHES
Shay: look broccolibushes
Brad: The BROCCOLIBUSHES seem out of place on a DESSERT ISLAND, a weathered sign post peeks out from the bush, some faint letters in ENGLISH are written hence.
Shay: look sign
Brad: The sign reads 'BEWARE OF KILLER BROCCOLI, IT DON'T BELONG HERE RUN FAR AWAAAYYYYY,,, AGGHGHHHHHHHhhhhhhggghhghgh.......ack'
Shay: throw can of spam into broccolibushes
Brad: As you reach for your can of SPAM, the BROCCOLIBUSHES dance and shimmy, and part forcibly as a GIANT CHIGGER leapeth forth in a growling attack.
Shay: throw can of spam into chigger
Brad: Your girly throw lands 3 feet from you, and the GIANT CHIGGER pounces on your beginning a chew session that will probably end your life.
Brad: As you are being chewed, you notice that the SIGN has been toppled over to the other side, and it reads " HA IT WAS A TRAP, no one takes the time to write out AUUUGGHGHHHHHH. Who would do that anyway, also, while you are reading this, you're probably being chewed to death by Frank the GIANT CHIGGER"
Shay: look Frank
Brad: You use your eyes to percieve FRANK THE GIANT CHIGGER as he is chewing your leg off. He is large, chigger shaped and is wearing a mechanic's shirt with "paul" on the name tag.
Shay: pray to chigger gods
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: SPANISH INQUISITION!
Brad: The chigger gods do not exist, but your pious display pleases FRANK. He stops chewing your leg, though it is terminally damaged. You now have -1 leg.
Shay: ask frank his name
Brad: As you ask FRANK his name, a METEORITE hits DESSERT ISLAND. You and your new friend FRANK are reduced to atoms.
Brad: You are dead
Brad: Score 819
Brad: Achievements unlocked 9
Brad: Fancy ponies resqued - 0
Shay: view achievements
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - Hamburger helper
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - Iraddiated Dating
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - Nut Bread
Brad: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED - CAT SCAN SUNGLASSES
Brad: SECRET - made for a man, but strong enough for you
Shay: check spelling of rescued, pigeons, and eskimo
Brad: Syntaz Eror.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Adventure #18: Shay is a burning thing... and he makes... well, you know.
Shay: sys 360150
Brad: Welcome Pilgrim, to Brad and Shay's WESTERN CATACLYSM APOCOLYPSE. Please enter your name.
Shay: goingtoameetingbbs
Brad: Ok, Jimmy. You have wandered into the wild west town of Western GULCHVILLEBURGTON. Please select your PHYSICAL APPEARANCE. A: CATTLE DROVER WITH CAFFEINE DEFICIENCY; B: PROFESSIONAL GOAT STRAIGHTENER; C: CEL SHADED
Shay: C
Brad: You have chosen CEL SHADED. You have been rendered two dimensional and the wind blows you away like the tumblin TUMBLEWEEDS. You get caught on a singing CACTUS, and its quills puncture your vectorized body. You have died.
Brad: Score -5
Brad: Amazing western treasures discovered 0
Shay: was that our shortest game ever, or our longest game ever?
Brad: Yes.
Brad: You should have chosen John Wayne as your character likeness.
Shay: sys 204820
Brad: Game crash. Try again tomorrow
Shay: (sobs)
Brad: Your tears short out the keyboard of your vintage Commodore 64 Game console. You are electrocuted, and are found the next day by your cleaning lady.
Brad: Score -239
Brad: Post Mortem Embarassment +43
Shay: look screen
Brad: You are dead.
Shay: turn off screen
Brad: You are dead. Choose: A VALHALLA; B DETROIT; C REINCARNATION
Shay: john wayne
Brad: You have arrived at the saloon "WHISKEYTOOTH SUMMER REVIVAL"
Brad: A two dimensional being catches your eye as it is whisked away by WIND.
Shay: look saloon
Brad: WHISKEYTOOTH SUMMER REVIVAL SALOON AND STEAKHOUSE EMPORIUM. Baths 50 cents.
Brad: There is a man leaning on a post.
Shay: look man
Brad: He is known by some as INCREDULOUS BART. He nods at you, acknowledging your COWBOY HAT OF FIRE.
Shay: nod back, enter saloon dramatically
Brad: SWAGGER +6
Brad: You enter the saloon, all music, dancing, card playing, saloonery stops. The inhabitants eye you as if you have just walked in from the out of doors. Somewhere in the distance, a two dimensional being begins leaking on a cactus.
Shay: stamp loudly up to bar, jingling spurs, order glass of firewater
Brad: The barkeep cannot do that.
Shay: look barkeep
Brad: The barkeep is sourly dressed, unhappily attempting to tend bar with a SEVERE AILMENT OF ARMS -2.
Shay: i
Brad: You empty your pockets onto the bar. You have been carrying: 11 trained scorpions, ERROR PASTE, Two Barkeeper Arms. As the arms flop onto the bar, the SALOONERY activity stops almost into the negative. INCREDULOUS BART rushes in and in a slow motion extraveganza of intense action, accuses you of ARMED ROBBERY. The Barkeep blames you for stealing his arms. The crowd slowly turns menacing.
Shay: squint at bart
Brad: You squint at Bart. FLAMES erupt out of your eyeholes and reduce BART to a heap of ash and disappointment. You instantly feel awash in regret, for you never had a chance to know BART. You were like two butterflies who had also never gotten a chance to know each other. REPUTATION WITH SALOON CROWD REDUCED BY 3,000
Shay: check reputations
Brad: REPUTATION WITH SALOON CROWD -17,983
Brad: REPUTATION WITH ARCHIMEDES OWLERY 23
Brad: REPUTATION WITH ADVANCED HIPPOPOTAMUS CYBORGS 830,349,483,038.0
Brad: REPUATION WITH IRONGOSLING CIRCUS FOLK -2
Shay: look saloon crowd
Brad: You cast your gaze upon the saloon crowd. In the back, hiding amongst the grubby ilk, a fair maiden watcheth.
Brad: You might see better if you squint. It is smoky in here
Shay: squint at maiden
Brad: FLAMECRAFT +3
Brad: You watch hopelessly as FLAMES FROM YOUR EYEHOLES incinerate the fair maiden and most of the Saloon crowd in the area
Shay: look barkeep
Brad: The poor BARKEEP ERUPTS IN FIRE. A smoldering heap of armless ash coalesces before you. You have unlocked the achievement: PANICHANDLER
Shay: close eyes
Brad: Your eyelids ERUPT IN FLAMES. Health -89
Shay: claw out eyes
Brad: You attempt to claw your eyes out, but YOUR HANDS ARE NOW MELTING FROM THE FIRE. You apologize to the people you have slain with your heat vision. They cannot hear you. They are slain.
Shay: claw out eyes with barkeep arms
Brad: You have some difficulty picking up BARKEEP ARMS with burned bloody nubs.
Shay: toss head, remove FIREHAT
Brad: You remove your own head, tossing it in the corner. As it rolls to a stop, your gaze settles on your body, the full force of HEATVISION slowly melting your body to ash. You have died.
Brad: Score 630
Shay: ...i didn't mean "toss head" in that way
Brad: Don't understand "mean"
Brad: Welcome Pilgrim, to Brad and Shay's WESTERN CATACLYSM APOCOLYPSE. Please enter your name.
Shay: goingtoameetingbbs
Brad: Ok, Jimmy. You have wandered into the wild west town of Western GULCHVILLEBURGTON. Please select your PHYSICAL APPEARANCE. A: CATTLE DROVER WITH CAFFEINE DEFICIENCY; B: PROFESSIONAL GOAT STRAIGHTENER; C: CEL SHADED
Shay: C
Brad: You have chosen CEL SHADED. You have been rendered two dimensional and the wind blows you away like the tumblin TUMBLEWEEDS. You get caught on a singing CACTUS, and its quills puncture your vectorized body. You have died.
Brad: Score -5
Brad: Amazing western treasures discovered 0
Shay: was that our shortest game ever, or our longest game ever?
Brad: Yes.
Brad: You should have chosen John Wayne as your character likeness.
Shay: sys 204820
Brad: Game crash. Try again tomorrow
Shay: (sobs)
Brad: Your tears short out the keyboard of your vintage Commodore 64 Game console. You are electrocuted, and are found the next day by your cleaning lady.
Brad: Score -239
Brad: Post Mortem Embarassment +43
Shay: look screen
Brad: You are dead.
Shay: turn off screen
Brad: You are dead. Choose: A VALHALLA; B DETROIT; C REINCARNATION
Shay: john wayne
Brad: You have arrived at the saloon "WHISKEYTOOTH SUMMER REVIVAL"
Brad: A two dimensional being catches your eye as it is whisked away by WIND.
Shay: look saloon
Brad: WHISKEYTOOTH SUMMER REVIVAL SALOON AND STEAKHOUSE EMPORIUM. Baths 50 cents.
Brad: There is a man leaning on a post.
Shay: look man
Brad: He is known by some as INCREDULOUS BART. He nods at you, acknowledging your COWBOY HAT OF FIRE.
Shay: nod back, enter saloon dramatically
Brad: SWAGGER +6
Brad: You enter the saloon, all music, dancing, card playing, saloonery stops. The inhabitants eye you as if you have just walked in from the out of doors. Somewhere in the distance, a two dimensional being begins leaking on a cactus.
Shay: stamp loudly up to bar, jingling spurs, order glass of firewater
Brad: The barkeep cannot do that.
Shay: look barkeep
Brad: The barkeep is sourly dressed, unhappily attempting to tend bar with a SEVERE AILMENT OF ARMS -2.
Shay: i
Brad: You empty your pockets onto the bar. You have been carrying: 11 trained scorpions, ERROR PASTE, Two Barkeeper Arms. As the arms flop onto the bar, the SALOONERY activity stops almost into the negative. INCREDULOUS BART rushes in and in a slow motion extraveganza of intense action, accuses you of ARMED ROBBERY. The Barkeep blames you for stealing his arms. The crowd slowly turns menacing.
Shay: squint at bart
Brad: You squint at Bart. FLAMES erupt out of your eyeholes and reduce BART to a heap of ash and disappointment. You instantly feel awash in regret, for you never had a chance to know BART. You were like two butterflies who had also never gotten a chance to know each other. REPUTATION WITH SALOON CROWD REDUCED BY 3,000
Shay: check reputations
Brad: REPUTATION WITH SALOON CROWD -17,983
Brad: REPUTATION WITH ARCHIMEDES OWLERY 23
Brad: REPUTATION WITH ADVANCED HIPPOPOTAMUS CYBORGS 830,349,483,038.0
Brad: REPUATION WITH IRONGOSLING CIRCUS FOLK -2
Shay: look saloon crowd
Brad: You cast your gaze upon the saloon crowd. In the back, hiding amongst the grubby ilk, a fair maiden watcheth.
Brad: You might see better if you squint. It is smoky in here
Shay: squint at maiden
Brad: FLAMECRAFT +3
Brad: You watch hopelessly as FLAMES FROM YOUR EYEHOLES incinerate the fair maiden and most of the Saloon crowd in the area
Shay: look barkeep
Brad: The poor BARKEEP ERUPTS IN FIRE. A smoldering heap of armless ash coalesces before you. You have unlocked the achievement: PANICHANDLER
Shay: close eyes
Brad: Your eyelids ERUPT IN FLAMES. Health -89
Shay: claw out eyes
Brad: You attempt to claw your eyes out, but YOUR HANDS ARE NOW MELTING FROM THE FIRE. You apologize to the people you have slain with your heat vision. They cannot hear you. They are slain.
Shay: claw out eyes with barkeep arms
Brad: You have some difficulty picking up BARKEEP ARMS with burned bloody nubs.
Shay: toss head, remove FIREHAT
Brad: You remove your own head, tossing it in the corner. As it rolls to a stop, your gaze settles on your body, the full force of HEATVISION slowly melting your body to ash. You have died.
Brad: Score 630
Shay: ...i didn't mean "toss head" in that way
Brad: Don't understand "mean"
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