Friday, October 2, 2009
Adventure #17: The Ol' Switcharoo
Shay: sys 378204
Brad: Greetings, Traveller, you have entered the CATACOMBS OF THE INVISIBLE SWORDSMEN
Brad: The year is 1873, you have been drafted by the militia of the red handed scalawags, to search out the lost remains of the mysterious CLAWHAMMER OF FORTITUDE
Shay: look swordsmen
Brad: You cannot. They be invisible
Brad: You carry with you a: Empty duffel bag; matches; bubbletape; malfunctioning TIMEPANTS; A rusty key
Shay: look clawhammer of fortitude
Brad: It is not here
Shay: chew bubbletape, look
Brad: You tear off a piece of the bubbletape. Chicken flavor. You glance around the catacombs. To the North is a section of catacombs that has caved in. To the South is the entrance to the catacombs. To the East is COAT CHECK STATION. To the West is RADAR COMMAND.
Shay: get bored with this game
Brad: You have died of boredom.
Brad: Score -29
Brad: Secrets Uncovered 0 or 56
Brad: Secrets uncovered 56
Shay: You have uncovered 56 secrets. One of them particularly catches your eye; it is a GLASS OF TIMEJUICE.
Shay: A grue enters the room.
Brad: Examine timejuice
Shay: It is blue, you can clearly see bits of time floating in it. Pulsating.
Brad: Add an L to the Grue
Shay: LGrue says "'Ello governor. Would you like a carrot? I gots me some mighty fine carrots from the Rabbit King, sho' 'nuff'
Shay: "And thank ye kindly for the L m'lord"
Brad: Respect LGrue
Shay: LGrue taps two fingers to his chest. "Word to ya motha homie. RESPECT back at cha." He has given you EIGHTEEN GOLDEN CARROTS.
Shay: You fall to the ground under the weight of the carrots.
Shay: You are carrying: 18 golden carrots; a crushed egg; a shattered crystal ball; a wrinkled treasure map; a great deal of impatience
Shay: You are lying on the ground in front of Lgrue. To the west is a grue village. To the north is a Talking Mountain. To the south is a sign that says "Wrong way. Talking mountain is to the northing." To the east is a sign that says, "Dude, seriously... Talking Mountain north of here. For reals."
Brad: Gather signs
Shay: Don't understand gather
Brad: get signs
Shay: Don't understand signs
Brad: Get Jiggy Widdit
Shay: Don't understand why you're not going to the talking mountain right now.
Shay: You fall into a pit and die.
Shay: Secrets found: 1,280 of 5,270
Shay: Achievement unlocked: Pit Faller!
Brad: drink timejuice on the way down
Shay: Achievement unlocked: Timetravelled! You find yourself standing before Solomon the King. Two ladies are arguing over you on either side, each claiming you are their child. Solomon has just grasped his sword. If you say "WAIT I AM NOT A BABY", turn to page 55. If you try to wrest the sword from solomon's hand, turn to page 1,794. If you drink more timejuice, turn to page 478.
Shay: That page is stuck to page #479.
Shay: With peanut butter. You are a sloppy eater!
Brad: Read cover of book
Shay: The cover of the book reads "ANGRY HENRY'S FANTASTIC ADVENTURES THROUGH TIME SEARCHING FOR THE LOST SHARDS OF WILLIAM SHATNER'S FALSE TEETH: PART 47: The Return of Lieutenant McSaucyPants. By Brad Lewis and Shay Pierce, as told to Leonard Nimoy."
Shay: "A Choose-Your-Own-Text-Adventure Book."
Brad: Rate book 3 stars
Shay: You click on the 3 stars button. "Thank you for rating this book!"
Brad: up up down down left right left right B A Start
Shay: You turn the book in several directions, BAH at it, and start reading on a random page. It is page 270. "You are standing on the grassy knoll, holding a gun in your hand. The handsome man's car is proceeding down the street. If you shoot him, turn to page 271. If you create a temporal anomaly, turn to page 0."
Shay: You turn to page 0 to find a black hole. You and your collection of lightsabers are being pulled into the black hole.
Shay: Your wife enters the room. "What in the sam hill is going on in here? Is that another black hole?"
Brad: Initialize SAM HILL
Shay: You flip the switch on your prototype android SamHill 3000, praying that there is no bugs in his programming. He starts up and says "Hello world!" He gazes about the room. "What in me is that thing? A Black Hole?"
Brad: Ebay black hole
Shay: You put the black hole on eBay but have no bids after two weeks. You receive a private message from user "Shazenmeister" offering you to purchase it for 8 chicken bones if you will throw in your CLAWHAMMER OF FORTITUDE.
Brad: ACCEPT OMG ACCEPT
Shay: i accept the trade and win the game
Brad: Well played, sir
Shay: Points awarded: 1 million each