Sunday, January 18, 2009

Adventure #13: Corrupted Savegame (feat. Dave A.)

Brad: Welcome to Brad and Shay’s Textellent Adventure corrupt savegame recovery utility. Please enter desired corrupt savegame in the form of a question.
Dave: What?
Brad: Riddle me this, DAVE, What do you call a mailman who lost his job?
Dave: a man
Brad: you are correct, and have LEVELED UP. Pleace choose your prize: A- EXTRA PANTS, B- SOLID GOLD DIAMONDS, C: UNKNOWN MAP O TREASURE.
Dave: A
Brad: You have been awarded extra pants. They are corduroy, and brown. They smell of mint and have a crackly energy about them.
Dave: the smithsonian made me a sandwich and i soiled my pants, so these mint flavored pantaloons should do the trick
Brad: Don’t understand ‘should’
Brad: You have known the pleasures of TARSDIIL the elder witch god of the plains. You may now summon GODZILLA.
Dave: summon Godzilla
Brad: You summon Godzilla to a tea party. He is angry, but too polite to risk BAD DIPLOMACY. You pass him the KENTUCKY NIGHTMARE WHISKY SHARK. You both are sitting at a pink table.
Dave: bad diplomacy
Brad: You poke GODZILLA in the soft underbelly with a FICUS TREE. You recieve 4000 damage from ANGERBLAST. You have died.
Brad: your score was 18 out of 500.
Brad: Runes uncovered: 12
Dave: damn

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Adventure #12: The Unbedding (feat. Katie)

Katie: sys32272
Brad: Loading
Brad: Welcome to Brad and Shay's Textellent Adventure. You are part of an archaeological exploration team. You are Deep within the caves below NEW YORK. You are in a large cavern, to the east is an ANCIENT DOOR. To the West is an EXCAVATED TOMB. To the North is a pathway leading up to the surface. To the south is a POOL.
Katie: go east
Brad: You stand before the ANCIENT DOOR. It seems to be locked. You lean against it and hear MASSIVE PURRING. On the floor is a KEY and a NOTE
Katie: read note
Katie: put key in door
Brad: You place the key in the door. A rustling sound beyond stops. Your flashlight dims.
Katie: walk toward sound
Brad: You can't do that.
Katie: check flashlight
Brad: It is a LIGHTOFANTASTICO Flashlight. Batteries may be dying, or it might be a literary device used to foreshadow coming SCARY EVENTS.
Katie: check batteries
Brad: batteries have become SELF AWARE. They drop to the floor ninja style, thankful to you for releasing them from their prison, but wary of your giant feet.
Katie: since you won't let me go where i wanna go west
Brad: Syntax Error
Katie: go west
Katie: you stupid computer
Brad: Syntax Error
Katie: go west
Katie: %^&%^@
Brad: Don't understand
Brad: You leave the door with the key in it, almost unlocked but not quite, and travel West to the EXCAVATED TOMB
Katie: no i don't lock door
Katie: lock door go west
Brad: As you walk away from the NEARLY UNLOCKED DOOR, you hear the rustling behind the door begin again, and UNBELIEVABLE PURRING commence. You walk toward the TOMB.
Katie: enter tomb
Brad: You enter the EXCAVATED TOMB of KING RHODODENDRON. You spy a SARCOPHAGUS shaped like a shoe, a GOLDEN GIRAFFE HAT, and an ancient SWORD OF TANGLES
Katie: pick up sword
Brad: You pick up the SWORD. It is heavy and bent.
Katie: pretend to be King Arthur with sword
Brad: Don't understand 'Arthur'
Katie: unbend sword with blacksmith tools
Brad: You haven't any tools
Katie: yes i do, unbed sword
Brad: You unbed the sword, it is sleepy, and grumpy after a long nap.
Katie: unbend!
Brad: syntax error
Katie: use sword
Brad: You bum $3.80 off the sword and convince it to go pick up your dry cleaning. When the sword asks your help moving a shelf, you conveniently are "busy"
Katie: this game is stupid end game
Katie: exit
Katie: MEH I don't like your game
Brad: Your score is 2.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Adventure #11: Introducing Angry Henry

Angry Henry.
Shay: sys327246
Brad: Loading
Shay: this is gonna be so sweet.
Brad: Syntax Error
Brad: You stand before a massive obsidian obelisk. A solitary blinking light blinks at you near a button.
Brad: To the west is FROG VILLAGE
Brad: To the North is OBSIDIAN OBELISK
Brad: To the south is CHARACTER CREATION HUT
Shay: s
Brad: You enter the Character Creation hut. The attendant greets you at the massive armored vault door. Inside the hut is CHARACTER SELECT STATION 7, An employee, a desk, and a waiting area.
Shay: say hello to employee
Brad: The employee's name is Janice.
Shay: say hello to Janice
Brad: Hi Stranger. New to these parts? I see you don't have a body. Would you like to create your Avatar?
Shay: use station
Brad: You waddle your amorpous blobby self up to the CREATIONSTATION. You are welcomed by a bootup screen and a friendly hum. "PLEASE SELCET FORM TEH PHOLLOWING GENDRES" A: Dolphin, B: MALE, C: ANGRYHENRY.
Shay: C
Brad: YOU HAVE CHOSEN ANGRY HENRY. You have achieved "Thanks for choosing Angry Henry" Achievement.
Shay: check achievements
Brad: You have 1 of 32 Achievements.
Shay: i
Brad: You have: AngryHenry body; 1 Underwater hobby kit; Elastic SHoes; Misspent Youth.
Shay: B
Brad: You are now associated with the Asian mafia political party. NOW CHOOSE ANGER LEVEL: A- Saucy but nice to kittens; B- RoadRageFisticuffs; C-HATREDCOPTER
Shay: B
Brad: You sheepishly choose ROADRAGE FISTICUFFS. You eyes fill blood red as your bloodpressure increases to an audible level. You instantly want to pummel JANICE. Janice backs away into the protective cage behind the DESK. YOU MAY NOW CHOOSE SPECIAL ABILITY: 1- RUMMAGE MASTER. 2- FIREJAW, 3- EXPERT FISHERMAN.
Shay: 2
Brad: You lean into the machine as liquid hot magma pours into a mold around your face. You sustain 47 damage and are now FIREJAW CAPABLE. CHARACTER CREATION IS OVEr. please exit the machine.
Shay: check damage
Brad: You have 7 out of 64 health.
Shay: exit machine, scream maniacally
Brad: You exit machine and thus the Creation Hut. You scream through your firejaw part from pain, part from ANGER. It is hard to see through the smoke from your flaming mandible. To the North is a FIDDLE CHALLENGE. to the South is TACO ISLAND. To the east is the back of the CHARACTER HUT. To the West be monsters.
Shay: n
Brad: You approach an enchanted grove. A menacing ROBOT FIDDLE MONSTER sizes you up for the CHALLENGE o DEATH. You may: A- ENTER RING. B- retreat in horror, C: - hey jim, we need a third option here. please get back to work, we need to ship this thing, and the graphics aren't tight enough on level 3. Also, please stop the unending humming. it makes me want to CRIME.
Shay: shriek with fury, A
Brad: As you shriek hard enough to fling flaming teeth toward your adversary, Randy the FIDDLEBOT takes a fighting stance. You enter the ring and a disembodied voice yells "FIGHT" Above you is a health bar, a score counter and a logo. Below you is a pixelated fighting arena. You may choose A, Up Up Down Down Left Right B A Start, or Left left A A Kick.
Brad: You may also choose FLEE
Shay: look logo
Brad: As you stare foolishly up at the logo of "DANGERTOWN ANIME FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP" RANDY THE FIDDLEBACK DINOSPIDER pierces your lungs with his A, A, B, B, Squat, Shimmy, Tickle attack. Blood and guts spew everywhere, getting on the ground, your record collection, the camera, etc.
Shay: A, Up Up Down Down Left Right B A Start
Brad: You have summoned DRAGONPANTS. in a framerate crushing display of particles and post FX, you dismember RANDY into 12 parts. You stand in a crater of your own making, as your FIREJAW is extinguished from the blow. Unfortunately, those 12 parts sprout tiny legs and teeth, and approach you. Licking their chops and sharpened bits, they descend upon you.
Brad: They stop just at the rim of your crater, and yield. You have defeated RANDY. They bestow upon you a BUCKET o GRAVY and a burning in your extremeties.
Shay: drink gravy
Brad: You have some trouble using your hands, but you attempt to drink the gravy. It is thick, and viscous. It is pleasing to your mouth parts. On the inside of the bucket is a message.
Shay: read bucket
Brad: "Do not in any case whatsoever trust RANDY or drink his SWEET GRAVY. It is poison most dire." "P.S. don't look now but your insides are MELTING."
Shay: look now
Brad: You accurately percieve that your wrist bound sundial reads 10:04 PM.
Shay: roar
Brad: A Delorean bursts forth out of nowhere and rolls to a stop. Doc Emmet L Brown steps out of his Time Machine
Shay: attack doc
Brad: You fling your rubbery exoskeleton full of liquified INSERT ADVENTURER NAME HERE guts at Doc. He pokes you with a stick, and you begin to leak your PRECIOUS FLUIDS out over the parched fighting arena.
Brad: DOC retrieves a STRAW from the Delorean.
Brad: DOC Leans down and begins to drink your FLUIDS
Shay: activate roadrage
Brad: As a voice overhead screams "FINISH HIM," you ANGRILY AND WITH MUCH RAGE are sucked up through the straw.
Brad: "DOC WINS"
Brad: You have been defeated.
Brad: Extra life multiplier: -1
Brad: FANCY DRESS ACHIEVEMENT: Pantaloons a plenty
Brad: Final Score: 7
Shay: At least I got to be extremely angry.
Shay: That's the best part about any Angry Henry game.

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Adventure #10: Vanilla Ice is a dick (feat. Ryan)

Ryan: SYS32592
Brad: Loading.....
Brad: Welcome to Brad and Shay's Chiggertrain Dance off 5000.
Brad: The year is 1987. You are part of the last of the manned deep space probes. A freak accident freezes you and your spaceship for 500 years. You return to Earth in the year 1991. Vanilla Ice has freed you.
Brad: To the west is your derelict spacecraft. To the East is Vanilla ice and his army of mutant warriors. To the north is a jungle. To the south is A burning wasteland of broken drum sets and pool cleaning equipment.
Ryan: i
Brad: You have: Spacesuit, Tang, Toy Ray Gun, 7 packets of Ketchup, a sense of bewilderment that VANILLA ICE has survived the holocaust.
Ryan: e
Brad: You approach VANILLA ICE. He is enthroned upon a pile of TARGET SHOPPING CARTS. He regards you with wonder. "Are you the spaceman?" he says.
Ryan: look
Brad: You stand before the throne of VANILLA ICE. To the West is your origin. To the south is a burning wasteland. To the north is JUNGLE. On the ground is a potato.
Ryan: give tang to vanilla ice
Brad: Vanilla Ice accepts your tang with trepidation. He challenges you to a TATERMASHIN CONTEST. Do you accept?
Ryan: y
Brad: You and VANILLA ICE compete for hours in the time-tested test of skill and agility. You fend off his advances like a prom date until finally you are outmatched over the last potato. Do you:
   A: Teach him the wonders of cowboys?
   B: Donate scissors to the poor?
   C: Equip yourself with extra teeth?
Ryan: c
Brad: As you fumble with your extra teeth, VANILLA ICE delivers a crushing blow to your guts with the sharp end of the POTATO MASHIN SPEAR. As you kneel before your victor, the blood rushing out of your body, VANILLA ICE Stands over you and shakes his vast head.
Ryan: equip gun
Brad: You equip the toy gun, it's plastic handle and colorful clear plastic insides show a myriad of soft, non threatening pieces.
Ryan: unequip gun
Brad: You cannot. it is SOULBOUND and way too sticky to let go of.
Ryan: use ketchup with potato
Brad: syntax error
Ryan: look vanilla ice
Brad: Vanilla Ice stands over you, happy to deliver your demise. He summons his chieftain to bring forth the CHIGGERHATCAGE
Ryan: n
Brad: You attempt to crawl Northward, the direction of the vikings and Birds in Spring. However, you are dying fast, and no amount of "n" is going to stop that. As you are crawling away slowly from the laughing VANILLA ICE, you stumble across a crack in the ground, inside is an iridescent shiny surface. You lean close, to hear the sounds of icecream trucks and happiness. You have discovered Surprisium.... The element of surprise!
Ryan: surprise vanilla ice
Brad: Vanilla ice is stunned into submission from utter gutwrenching surprise. The full force of pure Surprisium is brought to bear on the self declared KING OF LEXINGTON, MO. VANILLA ICE begins to melt.
Ryan: drink vanilla ice
Brad: As the last of VANILLA ICE melts , you hear a gurgling "YO WORD TO YOUR BURbleburble burble..." As you drink the 90's rapper's fluids, you realize that it isn't probably safe, as he is most likely considered biological waste even before the meltification. YOU HAVE 1 HEALTH LEFT.
Ryan: induce vomiting
Brad: You grab the nearest STICK and cram it down your throat. This might relieve the fluids from your sickly body, but in the course of inducing vomiting, you have inflicted upon yourself 1.3 damage.
Brad: You have died of stick ingestion.
Brad: score 138 out of 1400
Brad: secrets found: 1 out of 16
Ryan: I don't know why I ever trusted vanilla ice

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Adventure #9: Let's try another game

Shay: Sys32497
Brad: loading
Brad: Welcome to Brad and Shay's Textellent Adventure. UPDATE AVAILABLE. Do you wish to download the 1.02 Patch?
Shay: y
Brad: As the update downloads, a group of libyan immigrants enter your home and pluck out your left eye. They apply a "1.02" patch to you, rendering your face much more pirate like. You are now ready for "PIRATE STOVE"
Shay: look home
Brad: You are seated at your computer desk, pool of drying eye giblets on your keyboard. A map of PIRATE STOVE tacked to the wall.
Brad: To the East is RESTROOM to the west is SHELF OF COLLECTIBLE FIGURINES to the North is COMPUTER to the south is BED
Shay: look map
Brad: The map is tattered and faded, it shows a treasure of BEYOND buried deep within the sands of PIRATE STOVE.
Shay: use computer
Brad: You are already using the computer to play PIRATE STOVE.
Shay: turn off computer
Brad: You reach out and grasp the off switch, with a flick of mighty proportions, you *-------------------------------------------
Shay: look
Brad: ___________
Shay: i
Brad: __________
Shay: jump
Brad: __________
Shay: turn on computer
Brad: C:\
Brad: Loading.....
Brad: Welcome to TIMETRAVELCOP, the next greatest text based 3d adventure!
Brad: Would you like to:
   A: File report
   B: Get coffee
   C: File report
Shay: A
Brad: As you reach for the report, you notice it's half open. You read about a group of expatriot lybians invading homes and stealing eyeballs, leaving the victims in a state of PIRATESTYLE1000.
Shay: check report date
Brad: The report is dated January 14, 1821.
Brad: 4 AM
Brad: next wednesday
Shay: timehop 1-14-1821
Brad: You cannot do that yet.
Shay: look
Brad: You look about the office... It is drab and cold, as if all joy had bled out into the midsummer night. The ceiling fan slowly turns as light plays across the gentle wood blades. You consider the daffodil, as you wander around the office looking for your TimeHop footies. To the west is a DOOR. To the East is a DESK. To the North is a YETI. To the south is an EQUIPMENT CABINET
Shay: open cabinet
Brad: You yank open the cabinet door. A MUMMY falls out, slumps against you and collapses onto the floor.
Shay: take Hoppintimeboots from mummy
Brad: You remove the hoppintime boots from the Mummy. They fit as if your own.
Shay: timehop 1-14-1821 4am
Brad: You timehop to November 16, 1687. You have no idea how t o use timehoppin footies. You are in a train station. You have appeared in the middle of a brawl between Anchovie farmers and the Proletariat Regime. They both turn on you and immediately resolve their differences by beating the snot out of you. They have you cornered.
Shay: recover snot
Brad: As you reach out in futility for your spent nasal treasure, the mob lifts you up and carries you into the LOCKER ROOM. They deposit your bleeding self into the wooden locker, and promptly lock it. They toss in some peanut butter crackers wrapped in cellophane. You are trapped. The mob pools their money and out of their hatred of you time travelling yankees, purchase a long term storage contract for your locker. You will be allowed to exit said locker in 2014.
Brad: As you expire from your injuries and lack of television, you slowly mummify as your locker is removed some years later and installed in DETECTIVE OFFICE.
Brad: Game over
Brad: Score 28 out of 72
Shay: Dude
Shay: You have blown my mind.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Adventure #8: Dekneed (feat. Marshall)

Brad: You are in a vast warehouse. To the East is the Mexican Space Shuttle. To the west is Camp Hate, to the north is the band GLASS PRISM. To the south is LARRY
Marshall: s
Brad: You approach LARRY the machete wielding albino dwarf. He deknees you. You now stand(sort of) without legs from the knees down.
Marshall: gather legs from ground
Brad: You add your legs to your inventory, among these are TACOS a BAG OF FUNIONS and the color GREEN
Marshall: attach tacos to knees where legs were
Brad: You graft the tacos to your kneesockets. Confetti and balloons fall from the ceiling as you have been awarded AMAZING TROPHY SHOVEL SOMBRERO surprise. You have found a secret level. Do you:
   A: Search for pudding
   B: Investigate missing dragon tamer
   C: Scream in pain because you are still losing blood as it trickles over your painfully inadequate taco feet
Marshall: A
Brad: As you walk along on your Taco feet, leaving a trail of seasoned beef and taco stuffins, you grope your way along a stone path, in a stone cave, a light at the end of the tunnel shows you have entered a cavernous cavern. IN the center, on a pedestal is the STATUE OF PUDDING.
Marshall: look at pudding statue
Brad: You examine the statue of pudding, it seems to be a metal figure draped in delicious, delicious pudding. The tasty treat bubbling up out of the top of the statue and globbing down as it passes the base of the pedestal. At the bottom of the statue is a MOOSE ANTLER.
Marshall: eat teh pudding
Brad: you reach out for the pudding but it is protected by a HOVERING KILLCHOPPER named CLAY. Clay asks you to CEASE AND DESIST ALL SQUARE DANCING IMMEDIATELY.
Marshall: ignore clay, since I wasn't dancing. Look for spoon to eat pudding.
Brad: At the base of the statue of pudding is MOOSE ANTLER. Hovering nearby is CLAY KILLCHOPPER. Banjo music wafts nostalgically through the thick swampy air.
Marshall: Take moose antler
Brad: You wrench the ancient MOOSE ANTLER from its perch low atop the throne of pudding. You feel instantly calmer, as the soft fuzzy coating warms your skin.
Marshall: Place funion rings on each point of moose antler, and give to clay
Brad: Don't understand RINGS
Marshall: Eat pudding.
Brad: Clay is angered by your attempts to eat his pudding. He floateth menacingly closer to thee.
Marshall: N
Brad: You hobble North to the precipice. Below is a bottomless pool. There is no lifeguard.
Marshall: call out for larry
Brad: Larry is in Level 1-1. You have been warped to level 7-nivelo.
Marshall: Eat funions
Brad: Your teeth destroy the peaceful funions, eating them, you reflect on the hollowness in your own life long after the loss of your legs. As you finish off the funions, you notice tendrils growing out of your stumpy taco legs. You now have TENTACLEFABULOUS.
Marshall: Rejoice in new tentacle status, and enter pool.
Brad: You dance a merry jig as you leap daintily into the pool. Immediately sinking to depths that should kill you. Your tentacle legs offering no swimming capabilities at all.
Brad: The pressures of the bottomless pool begin to crush your feeble body as you plummet to the center of the earth.
Marshall: Use moose antler
Brad: you use the MOOSE ANTLER to gouge a hole in your neck, releasing your precious life before the torture of being crushed to death by the soft chlorinated pool water destroys your mind.
Brad: You have died.
Brad: Score - 14 out of 76.9
Marshall: Eat pudding
Brad: Ghosts don't eat pudding.
Marshall: :(
Marshall: well I guess that's as good as i should expect
Brad: You did well, young adventurer
Brad: At least I didn't harvest your skin.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Developer's diary #2: a challenger approaches

Background: my friend Ryan has given me feedback on our textellent adventures, some of which did not sit well with Brad.

Shay: I passed some of your feedback on to Brad by the way
Shay: he challenged you to a game
Ryan: yes, I believe I was invited to be killed by chiggers
Shay: you may or may not be killed by chiggers.
Ryan: predicted transcript:
    me: SYS32592
    Brad: loading.......
    Brad: You have been eaten alive by chiggers.
Shay: It would be more like: "Welcome to Brad and Shay's you have been killed by chiggers. Score: -2000 out of -400000."
Ryan: hahaha
Ryan: I can't tell if "you have been killed by chiggers" is the title of the game
Ryan: or if it happened so fast it interrupted the title
Shay: it is a mystery
Ryan: I think both are funny
Ryan: I'll have to take brad up on his offer (to be eaten alive by chiggers)
Shay: I'll pass your acceptance along

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Adventure #7: Victory?

Shay: sys325932
Brad: loading
Brad: Welcome, Traveller, to Brad and Shay's Textellent Adventure. You awaken groggy and disoriented, you are in a trunk or container of some kind. It is quiet, like the inside of a bowling ball hidden deep within the woods.
Shay: i
Brad: You are carrying a goldfish bowl full of pennies, OINTMENT, a Crazylegs Fandango album cover, a screwdriver, and a pocktful of Kryptonite.
Shay: look
Brad: You see the inside of a trunk, or possibly square cave, on one side is a door with a handle, behind you is a window, beyond the window is dirt. Above you is a rope looking thing. Much like a rope.
Shay: pull rope
Brad: You pull the rope, and hold on to it as you are pulled up out of the BURIED METAL BOX. You breathe fresh air with a fervor all your own, as pedestrians wonder why you are dressed much like a 18th century scaliwag. The trap door closes beneath you, and you are left on the street.
Shay: look
Brad: You see a cobblestone pathway meandering alongside a quiet brook. To the east is a fancy hot dog stand. To the West is Danger. To the North is Jim Chuckfield's Monkey Paradise tanning Salon. To the South is East Virginia.
Shay: w
Brad: You travel west over broken glass and burning tires. You come to a solitary figure hovering in the air, rotating slowly. The figure turns to point at you and screams. Daggers fall out of the sky as you run for cover underneath a metal awning. Under the awning is a dwarf named Edmond Ransmurfer...bobbins.. mc... steve.
Shay: look figure
Brad: it is a blackish figure, gaunt and floaty, rotating slowly in the air. a nametag says "Hi My name is LES NESSMAN"
Shay: say hi to Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve
Brad: ERBM says "hello there, clamshot. Why the heck did you start the dagger rain? You smell like a genius."
Shay: rub ointment on Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve
Brad: Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve looks at the ointment you have used on him. His expression, hard to read. He slowly reaches into a pocket and reveals a BUS TOKEN and a SALAD FORK. He does not look pleased.
Shay: trade pennies for salad fork
Brad: Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve takes all your pennies and ingests them, guttering, gasping noises fill the AWNING as he hands you the salad fork. It pulses with energy, or doesn't. You can't tell.
Shay: throw kryptonite at figure
Brad: You produce your KRYPTONITE and lob it at the figure, it sticks to the figure and the figure stops rotating. The figure begins to melt, INTO FLUIDS. After 45 minutes, all that is left of the dark figure is an oily pool of fluids on the ground and a chunk of TAINTED KRYPTONITE. The daggers stop falling.
Shay: look Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve
Brad: Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve is very happy the dagger rain has stopped, although he has a MASSIVE INTERNAL PAIN from ingesting $147 worth of pennies.
Shay: throw Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve at burning tires
Brad: Exhibiting an amazing feat of strength, you lift Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve high over your head, Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve wailing in discomfort as you heft his sour mass and heave him through the air at the burning tires. As the smallish man impacts the tires, and begins to melt, you notice the pennies he devoured issuing forth into the air, coin sounds chiming for each one as you notice in the air a point counter ticking up for each penny. You have received 1UP.
Shay: look 1UP
Brad: A glimmering green mushroom sleeps silently in the palm of your hand. He is rendered toon shaded, and anime style. You have an instant desire to either:

Eat him

Place him sofly in your pocket

Tickle his sleepy face
Shay: eat 1UP
Brad: 1UP Screams bloody murder by gum. You eat 1UP and feel the EXTRA LIFE coursing through your veins. You feel invincible at least once.
Shay: look
Brad: You are standing in a small clearing full of daggers, a small pool of MELTED FIGURE. To the East is a cobblestone pathway. To more East is a fancy hot dog stand. To the West is Danger. To the North is Jim Chuckfield's Monkey Paradise tanning Salon. To the South is East Virginia.
Shay: w
Brad: You go west, young man. into DANGER.
Shay: look danger
Brad: You are in a small western town, a sign says "Welcome to DANGER, ILLINOIS. Population: Meh."
Shay: take sign
Brad: You wrench the sign out of the hole with your Seven Arms a'Swingin. As you lift the sign up to wield it, and consider its wooden nature, you suddenly fall down a flight of stairs the has opened up in the dusty street. You arrive at an UNDERGROUND SALOOON.
Shay: wield sign
Brad: You hold aloft the mighty SIGN OF DANGER. a moldy voice full of smoke and wonder echoes out of the UNDERGROUND SALOON. "are you a god?"
Shay: say yes
Brad: You say yes. Gozer the shapeshifting god of destruction walks out, high fives you, and asks if you want to "get out of here." You and Gozer get along fairly well as long as you keep the sign of DANGER with you, and you two kids settle down in the suburbs of ATLANTA, raise some kids, and live happily ever after.
Brad: Game over
Brad: Score 1400 out of 7.
Shay: I finally won one!!!
Brad: That you did.
Brad: Way to go
Shay: Wait, what gender is Gozer again?
Brad: The wrong one.
Shay: :O