Brad: Welcome, Traveller, to Brad and Shay's Textellent Adventure. You awaken groggy and disoriented, you are in a trunk or container of some kind. It is quiet, like the inside of a bowling ball hidden deep within the woods.
Brad: You are carrying a goldfish bowl full of pennies, OINTMENT, a Crazylegs Fandango album cover, a screwdriver, and a pocktful of Kryptonite.
Brad: You see the inside of a trunk, or possibly square cave, on one side is a door with a handle, behind you is a window, beyond the window is dirt. Above you is a rope looking thing. Much like a rope.
Shay: pull rope
Brad: You pull the rope, and hold on to it as you are pulled up out of the BURIED METAL BOX. You breathe fresh air with a fervor all your own, as pedestrians wonder why you are dressed much like a 18th century scaliwag. The trap door closes beneath you, and you are left on the street.
Brad: You see a cobblestone pathway meandering alongside a quiet brook. To the east is a fancy hot dog stand. To the West is Danger. To the North is Jim Chuckfield's Monkey Paradise tanning Salon. To the South is East Virginia.
Brad: You travel west over broken glass and burning tires. You come to a solitary figure hovering in the air, rotating slowly. The figure turns to point at you and screams. Daggers fall out of the sky as you run for cover underneath a metal awning. Under the awning is a dwarf named Edmond Ransmurfer...bobbins.. mc... steve.
Shay: look figure
Brad: it is a blackish figure, gaunt and floaty, rotating slowly in the air. a nametag says "Hi My name is LES NESSMAN"
Shay: say hi to Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve
Brad: ERBM says "hello there, clamshot. Why the heck did you start the dagger rain? You smell like a genius."
Shay: rub ointment on Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve
Brad: Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve looks at the ointment you have used on him. His expression, hard to read. He slowly reaches into a pocket and reveals a BUS TOKEN and a SALAD FORK. He does not look pleased.
Shay: trade pennies for salad fork
Brad: Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve takes all your pennies and ingests them, guttering, gasping noises fill the AWNING as he hands you the salad fork. It pulses with energy, or doesn't. You can't tell.
Shay: throw kryptonite at figure
Brad: You produce your KRYPTONITE and lob it at the figure, it sticks to the figure and the figure stops rotating. The figure begins to melt, INTO FLUIDS. After 45 minutes, all that is left of the dark figure is an oily pool of fluids on the ground and a chunk of TAINTED KRYPTONITE. The daggers stop falling.
Shay: look Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve
Brad: Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve is very happy the dagger rain has stopped, although he has a MASSIVE INTERNAL PAIN from ingesting $147 worth of pennies.
Shay: throw Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve at burning tires
Brad: Exhibiting an amazing feat of strength, you lift Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve high over your head, Edmond Ransmurfer Bobbins McSteve wailing in discomfort as you heft his sour mass and heave him through the air at the burning tires. As the smallish man impacts the tires, and begins to melt, you notice the pennies he devoured issuing forth into the air, coin sounds chiming for each one as you notice in the air a point counter ticking up for each penny. You have received 1UP.
Shay: look 1UP
Brad: A glimmering green mushroom sleeps silently in the palm of your hand. He is rendered toon shaded, and anime style. You have an instant desire to either:
Place him sofly in your pocket
Tickle his sleepy face
Shay: eat 1UP
Brad: 1UP Screams bloody murder by gum. You eat 1UP and feel the EXTRA LIFE coursing through your veins. You feel invincible at least once.
Brad: You are standing in a small clearing full of daggers, a small pool of MELTED FIGURE. To the East is a cobblestone pathway. To more East is a fancy hot dog stand. To the West is Danger. To the North is Jim Chuckfield's Monkey Paradise tanning Salon. To the South is East Virginia.
Brad: You go west, young man. into DANGER.
Shay: look danger
Brad: You are in a small western town, a sign says "Welcome to DANGER, ILLINOIS. Population: Meh."
Shay: take sign
Brad: You wrench the sign out of the hole with your Seven Arms a'Swingin. As you lift the sign up to wield it, and consider its wooden nature, you suddenly fall down a flight of stairs the has opened up in the dusty street. You arrive at an UNDERGROUND SALOOON.
Shay: wield sign
Brad: You hold aloft the mighty SIGN OF DANGER. a moldy voice full of smoke and wonder echoes out of the UNDERGROUND SALOON. "are you a god?"
Shay: say yes
Brad: You say yes. Gozer the shapeshifting god of destruction walks out, high fives you, and asks if you want to "get out of here." You and Gozer get along fairly well as long as you keep the sign of DANGER with you, and you two kids settle down in the suburbs of ATLANTA, raise some kids, and live happily ever after.
Brad: Game over
Brad: Score 1400 out of 7.
Shay: I finally won one!!!
Brad: That you did.
Brad: Way to go
Shay: Wait, what gender is Gozer again?
Brad: The wrong one.