Adventure #9: Let's try another game

Shay: Sys32497
Brad: loading
Brad: Welcome to Brad and Shay's Textellent Adventure. UPDATE AVAILABLE. Do you wish to download the 1.02 Patch?
Shay: y
Brad: As the update downloads, a group of libyan immigrants enter your home and pluck out your left eye. They apply a "1.02" patch to you, rendering your face much more pirate like. You are now ready for "PIRATE STOVE"
Shay: look home
Brad: You are seated at your computer desk, pool of drying eye giblets on your keyboard. A map of PIRATE STOVE tacked to the wall.
Brad: To the East is RESTROOM to the west is SHELF OF COLLECTIBLE FIGURINES to the North is COMPUTER to the south is BED
Shay: look map
Brad: The map is tattered and faded, it shows a treasure of BEYOND buried deep within the sands of PIRATE STOVE.
Shay: use computer
Brad: You are already using the computer to play PIRATE STOVE.
Shay: turn off computer
Brad: You reach out and grasp the off switch, with a flick of mighty proportions, you *-------------------------------------------
Shay: look
Brad: ___________
Shay: i
Brad: __________
Shay: jump
Brad: __________
Shay: turn on computer
Brad: C:\
Shay: run TIMETRAVELCOP
Brad: Loading.....
Brad: Welcome to TIMETRAVELCOP, the next greatest text based 3d adventure!
Brad: Would you like to:
   A: File report
   B: Get coffee
   C: File report
Shay: A
Brad: As you reach for the report, you notice it's half open. You read about a group of expatriot lybians invading homes and stealing eyeballs, leaving the victims in a state of PIRATESTYLE1000.
Shay: check report date
Brad: The report is dated January 14, 1821.
Brad: 4 AM
Brad: next wednesday
Shay: timehop 1-14-1821
Brad: You cannot do that yet.
Shay: look
Brad: You look about the office... It is drab and cold, as if all joy had bled out into the midsummer night. The ceiling fan slowly turns as light plays across the gentle wood blades. You consider the daffodil, as you wander around the office looking for your TimeHop footies. To the west is a DOOR. To the East is a DESK. To the North is a YETI. To the south is an EQUIPMENT CABINET
Shay: open cabinet
Brad: You yank open the cabinet door. A MUMMY falls out, slumps against you and collapses onto the floor.
Shay: take Hoppintimeboots from mummy
Brad: You remove the hoppintime boots from the Mummy. They fit as if your own.
Shay: timehop 1-14-1821 4am
Brad: You timehop to November 16, 1687. You have no idea how t o use timehoppin footies. You are in a train station. You have appeared in the middle of a brawl between Anchovie farmers and the Proletariat Regime. They both turn on you and immediately resolve their differences by beating the snot out of you. They have you cornered.
Shay: recover snot
Brad: As you reach out in futility for your spent nasal treasure, the mob lifts you up and carries you into the LOCKER ROOM. They deposit your bleeding self into the wooden locker, and promptly lock it. They toss in some peanut butter crackers wrapped in cellophane. You are trapped. The mob pools their money and out of their hatred of you time travelling yankees, purchase a long term storage contract for your locker. You will be allowed to exit said locker in 2014.
Brad: As you expire from your injuries and lack of television, you slowly mummify as your locker is removed some years later and installed in DETECTIVE OFFICE.
Brad: Game over
Brad: Score 28 out of 72
Shay: Dude
Shay: You have blown my mind.