Thursday, May 12, 2011


Brad: You have been killed. Your soul stands at the dock of the river Styx. You see the boat to the other side approaching.
Shay: examine boat
Brad: The boat seems hewn of living bone, the steersman is awash in black. He appears to be listening to a walkman.
Shay: dip self in styx
Brad: Don't understand "self"
Shay: examine walkman
Brad: The walkman appears to be playing a cassette tape of ZZTop's Afterburner album.
Shay: say hey man what's up?
Shay: say you come here often?
Shay: say I guess so huh? so what's it like down here?
Brad: Don't understand "inane small talk"
Shay: say fine then
Shay: enter boat
Brad: As you enter the boat, the steersman presents a bony hand, desiring your tokens for passing ....
Shay: take coins from eyes
Brad: You remove your coins from your eyes. A blinding red laser now emits forth, puncturing the boat, drowning the steersman, short circuiting the walkman, and endangering the hobbits at your feet.
Shay: say whoa, sorry man
Shay: put coin on left eye
Shay: squint right eye
Brad: Don't understand 'whoa'
Brad: game over
Brad: Score 0
Shay: restart
Brad: beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.......* You have been awakened to the sound of a defibrilator. You stare up at the doctor from the hospital gurney.
Brad: The doctor says "We thought we lost you"
Shay: say what happened i was in heaven
Shay: say put me back
Shay: say nah I'm just kiddin ya man, it's good to be back
Brad: The doctor says "By lost, I mean, lost. You've been locked in the broom closet for a week. No one knew where you were."
Shay: examine doctor
Brad: The doctor says "Whoa now, big fella, I'll be doing the examining here." then hands you a lollipop.
Shay: examine room
Brad: You are in a very large examination room. The doctor is smiling at you as he fills out his chart. you are sitting on the examination table, a bit disoriented.
Shay: remember
Brad: You remember horribly murdering death himself on his pleasure boat down at the river styx. You also remember the screams of the hobbits you incinerated.
Shay: smile
Brad: You bare your teeth
Shay: ask doctor about death
Brad: You attempt to speak, but the doctor just ignores you, finishes his chart, and walks out of the enormous examining room as the nurse comes in and fits you with a restraining collar and chain.
Shay: smile
Brad: You bare your teeth again, slobbering on the countertop
Shay: examine nurse
Brad: you sniff the nurse. She swats you with a rolled up newspaper.
Shay: say hey baby what's happening
Brad: You growl at the nurse.
Shay: heck yeah I do
Shay: stand up
Brad: You have raised your point of view approximately one foot
Shay: examine self
Brad: You are a dog.
Shay: howl sadly
Shay: bay, even.
Brad: You bay as the doctors lead you out of the examination room.
Shay: run like the dickens
Shay: poop everywhere
Brad: You begin to run like Charles Dickens, in a sad, gloomy way. Pooping as you go. Until you realize your family is happy to see you, grinning at your misunderstood running style and tolerant of your uncontrollable bowel function.
Shay: wag tail!
Brad: As you are reunited with your family, in a group hug, a man with an insanely long beard outside removes the coins from his eyes, and burns the place down, killing all inside.
Brad: Game over
Brad: score 12
Shay: brad
Brad: yes?
Shay: why does everyone have lasereyes?
Brad: It's Lasereye Village
Brad: it says so on the top of the game cabinet
Shay: of course.
Shay: eat lollipop.

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