Adventure #2: Shay really wants to go to Cuba

Brad: You stand abandoned, near a burning tire and french fry box.
Brad: to the east is sadness. To the west is a scorpion hat. To the north is a pathway. to the south is Cuba
Shay: s
Brad: You can't go that way
Shay: look tire
Brad: Michelin 100022 with alcoa aluminum wheel. slightly on fire.
Shay: take fire
Brad: you set yuor arm on fire, it burns. but in a good way.
Shay: e
Brad: you travel east past the mountains and the deserts. You fjord a small river and pass a cottage, the sounds of humble music seeping out into the cold wintry night. As you arrive at e, you realize it's just not as exciting as the mountains and the desert, the tiny frogs in the stream. it's just an e.
Brad: To the west is happiness. to the south is cuba
Shay: look at e
Brad: you look towards happiness, mountains and frogs and cottage wenches and music
Shay: look at cuba
Brad: Cuba is mighty fine.
Shay: s
Brad: you can't go that way
Shay: enter cottage
Brad: as you enter the cottage, a wench greets you. She looks like she's had one too many years around the spinning wheel.
Shay: ask wench about cuba
Brad: Aye, Cuba is mighty fine... mighty fine. But ye can't get there.
Shay: ask wench about boats
Brad: I've not seen boats around these parts in a possum's age. I once heard tell of a boat way west of the mountains.
Shay: leave cottage, w
Brad: You travel West, leaving teh cottage wench screaming in disgust. You pass the deserts, and realize you're stuck at the tiny frog river. On the ground is a spatula, beyond the river is an ogre.
Shay: ask ogre about cuba
Brad: the ruins of a bridge dripping from the ogre's mouth
Brad: don't understand about
Shay: look into spatula
Brad: don't understand spatula
Shay: take spatula
Brad: you wield aloft the mighty ExPatula, power and glory seem to seep into your skin.
Shay: remove clothes
Brad: To the south is Cuba
Shay: i
Brad: You are holding aloft the might ExPatula, you have a hat on, and your mouth is full of bees.
Shay: spit bees at ogre
Brad: you unleash a mighty swarm of ogre killin' bees. The ogre succumbs to the onslaught in a very framerate expensive particle effect, and lots of physics assets being thrown around.
Brad: the ogre now bridges the river.
Shay: s
Brad: you can't go that way
Shay: w
Brad: Clothed only in your magical spatula, you bound across the ogre's rotting corpse, crossing the river, and pass on to the mountains. To the west is a clearing, to t he south is Cuba, to the north is the mountain queen's cabin, to the east is the ogrebridge
Shay: s
Brad: you can't go that way
Shay: w
Brad: you enter a clearing, it looks strangely familiar. Ted is sleeping in the corner.
Shay: ask Ted about boat
Brad: Ted says boats are tasty, he hasn't had a good boat in several years.
Shay: w
Brad: you can't go that way
Shay: s
Brad: the way is blocked
Shay: ask Ted about assassinating fidel castro
Brad: don't understand 'about'
Shay: pet Ted
Brad: ted purrs much like a largish spider would. He then constructs you a raft out of webbing and spittle.
Shay: enter raft
Brad: you enter the raft
Shay: s
Brad: to the south is a dock
Brad: you can't use a raft on dry land
Shay: exit raft, take raft, s, put raft in water, enter raft
Brad: You are in a raft. To the north is a dock to the east is water, to the west is the Island of Union Steelworkers, to t he south is Cuba
Shay: s
Brad: you have no oar.
Shay: take spatula, s
Brad: as you paddle fervently with your spatula southward, you encounter a whirlpool. to the east is water, to the west is the Island of uniion steelworkers, to the south is Cuba, inside the whirlpool is sparkly secrets
Shay: s
Brad: To t he south is CUBA
Shay: s
Brad: You travel south across the watery depths, with no provisions, no water, no shield for your pale, soft skin, you almost die from exposure. You and your raft wash up on CUBA. To the north is Alabama. To the south is southern CUBA. To the east is a mermaid assisted living home. To the west is SANDCASTLEPALOOZA. On teh ground is a map of Detroit
Shay: w
Shay: wait, i meant west.
Brad: You reach SANDCASTLEPALOOZA. It is closed.
Shay: I MEANT EAST
Brad: you can't go that way
Shay: e
Brad: theway is blocked
Shay: unblock the damn way
Brad: perhaps you should look e
Shay: look e
Brad: Looking e, you realize the tide has come in, there's no way to reach the mermaid assisted living home. To the north is alabama across the ocean. To the south is southern CUBA. To the west is SANDCASTLEPALOOZA, which is closed. On the ground is a ray gun and a turtle named Eric.
Shay: take ray gun, tell eric hello
Brad: Eric greets you with a 40 and an 8 ball. He asks if you're in a gang.
Shay: ask Eric about Castro's whereabouts
Brad: Eric is drunk now.
Shay: s
Shay: wait
Shay: take eric
Brad: you take eric in a clear violation of text adventure causality. Eric sleeps softly against your naked skin. You travel south and come to a clearing.
Brad: to the east is Cindy's Exotic Garden Tools Emporium
Brad: to the west is MISSING TEXTURE
Brad: To the North is the beach
Brad: to the south is more CUBA
Shay: combine eric and spatula and ray gun to create thermonuclear device
Brad: don't understand and
Shay: s
Brad: you come to a tree. A tree house perches atop in the leaves, on the ground is a lighter, a bag of charcoal, some cheese, a container of worcestershire sauce, 3 marbles, a dead politician, some pieces of chalk, and a trained monkey.
Shay: look at dead politician
Brad: he's been killed by falling damage +3. His pockets are full of gold doubloons, and his suit might fit you. his vacant eyes stare at you from beyond this mortal coil. In his hand is a map of DETROIT
Shay: look at eyes
Brad: his eyes enchant you. you weep longingly for his warmth
Shay: contemplate mortality
Brad: You contemplate mortality.
Shay: contemplate futility of both communism and attempts to overthrow communism
Brad: don't understand 'attempts'
Shay: put ray gun in mouth
Brad: you chew on ray gun
Brad: the sand getting between your teeth
Shay: set eric free
Brad: you are eaten by chiggers.
Shay: game over?
Brad: game over
Brad: Eric was your chigger protector
Shay: dang